It's very good that you're holding on for your mom, and I'm really happy you're doing that. I hold on for my sisters, and I know sometimes it can feel like that's not enough. If you find yourself struggling, what I like to do is just take a break and distract myself, through shows, going on a walk, anything. Just keep reminding yourself that all your mother needs is for you to keep breathing, and that if you can manage to just do that until your thoughts subside a bit, you'll be ok. I hope you can find something that works for you to help you with the thoughts. You never know when you'll get better, but I hope you're around for that day. After such pain, just imagine how good feeling happy will be when that day comes. You deserve that happiness, so please try to hold out until then <3 If you need someone to talk to, feel free to vent to me any time.