man sometimes i just dont get it...why do i have to be so messed up. i look back in my life and i have been thinking about suicide sence i was 13 (im 19 now) and i have never actually tried but i have come very close....xxxxxt why im alive, and why xxxx ive done many things like this. its like everytime something goes wrong i just blame everything on myself and i hate myself so much..im also very self concious. even tho i have a beautiful girlfriend. i feel so fat and ugly. no matter how many times she tells me im not. i just want to be happy. i feel like i cant tho. like im not good enough....idk i think about killing myself all the time. i just feel stuck