A few months ago I felt happy. I loved my life and felt grateful that I could feel positive with all of the negative going on. I lost a baby.... my second loss....and I felt gratitude for such great support. That all changed when I found pictures of my best friend on my husbands phone. My world crashed. Now I sit here 11 weeks pregnant and continue to be lied and cheated. I am so broken that I don't want to exist at times. I have a toddler at home and can barley care for him. I feel so hopeless and broken. Sorry feels like such an empty word.
Sorry feels like an empty word
- Thread starter Nita
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I am so sorry. Hugs to you. I have some understanding of what you are going through right now. Hang in there. You are not the broken one, the worthless people who have made you feel like this are. It is one thing to say though, and another thing to actually feel the truth of (what I know logically about my own situation doesn't translate to how I feel about myself). Are you going to take some time to think through your options of where to from here? Sorry is an empty word when the person saying it has made the active choice to behave in a way that will hurt you, and continues to do so.
I feel like I want to separate for a time to focus on myself and my baby. I just have no place to go. No family in state and no friends capable of helping me. I feel so stupid. I feel so desperate and alone. My husband doesn't want me to go and says he will get help but at this point it is hard to allow myself to continue to get hurt. I don't like feeling suicidal and so unhappy. I don't like feeling that I need him although I don't really want to leave him....I just can't make him fix this and I can't fix it for him either. I went to a support group for women and could not believe that some of those women stick around for years and years trying to make it work but yet they are so broken. I am so saddened by this. I do not want that for myself.
Well done for going to a support group. If your husband is truly sorry and wants to make amends, this should include him moving out to give you space. Does he have a male friend he could stay with even just for the short-term? You are not stupid for trusting your own husband or for not figuring it out. I was oblivious to an 8 month affair because everything seemed fine, we were still loving and intimate, I thought there were no problems. What I didn't know was that my friend had set her sights on my husband, and the current circumstances allowed them time together without suspicion.
From my own perspective, I believe you need to feel in charge of your own life, like you say... you don't like feeling that you 'need him'. How far away is your family? Do they know what has happened?
From my own perspective, I believe you need to feel in charge of your own life, like you say... you don't like feeling that you 'need him'. How far away is your family? Do they know what has happened?
Set whatever terms you are satisfied with and make it count. If there is "help" to get- make it on your terms- like marriage counseling because you are the one that deserves support and help right now- not him. While I am sure he was hurting in his own way and may have his own issues about the previous losses the point is he already went outside to find that support leaving you alone so advocate for yourself and make it clear you will not tolerate and will not become the type that is going to look the other way or continually forgive and let it go on. I am not advocating leaving or staying in the relationship- just saying you owe it to yourself and your children to make sure you do what is best for you now and in the future - and to say you are strong enough to do without him- you are not trapped - do what is best for you and you will be okay. If you start making choices based on fear of being alone then you will start down a path of pain and resentment that will be very hard to recover from. Take care of you first please.
Take Care and Be Safe
- Ben
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