Sorting out the delusions.

[Tana]

I have been thinking a lot last night but will try to keep it as short and as clear as possible. For practical reasons, I've divided my type of thinking/feeling (or not feeling) into 2 categories, one of which is what I believe is my illness speaking, and the other, what I think is actual reason. But, since I am delusional, I'm not sure I can trust at what level is it, and whether I can even trust what I think is "reason". Here's the deal;

"illness" (real example): So, I woke up at the middle of the night and started to feel horrible after realising *more deeply* that some things I typed here to help others, could be directed back at me. I thought that was horrible of me, and wrong, egocentric, and that everyone can obviously see it, and has a negative opinion about me because of it. It was "physically" very painful.
"reason" (real example): The people I was giving support or advice that could be directed back at me, were on the same/similar boat. I saw things from another viewpoint (thus, it came out more realistic perhaps, even if more positive), and perhaps (probably) did want to hear certain things I typed for myself, - but, - as long as it actually helps someone, there's no reason to feel bad about it, let alone stop. Also, I have 0 proof anyone actually thinks negatively of me because of this, besides it's what I think you think, which is ridicules. I'm not a mind-reader last time I checked. Besides, I see people on here having twisted, negative viewpoints of themselves (and what others might think/feel) all the time, which I can tell are not the reality of things, so I'm most likely doing the same.

Questions (Complete honestly required. If you want to say something nice to make me feel better, please don't. Don't feed my delusions whichever direction or level it's at. I want to know the truth, and hopefully fix it.

1. Did you (personally) think anything negatively about me when I responded to people in need? Can I do anything to fix that? And of course, even if you did think badly of me, do you think it did well for some people (what I said), and shouldn't stop doing it?
2. Can I trust what I typed as my "reason"? What level of delusional am I?
3. How can I fix my delusions on my own, without needing outside support, if it's possible. Besides trusting my "reason", if I can trust it.

I don't want to be a complete lunatic, whether I already am and don't completely realise it, or am in danger of becoming. Please (again) be honest, because if you tell me sweet lies right now, you'll do me no good.
Also, I wouldn't type this down right now, if I didn't think I could/need to handle it.

Thank you.

 

[Brân]

1. Did you (personally) think anything negatively about me when I responded to people in need? Can I do anything to fix that? And of course, even if you did think badly of me, do you think it did well for some people (what I said), and shouldn't stop doing it?
2. Can I trust what I typed as my "reason"? What level of delusional am I?
3. How can I fix my delusions on my own, without needing outside support, if it's possible. Besides trusting my "reason", if I can trust it.

1 - Nope. To be fair, I've mostly seen you in chat and always thought you were pleasant to talk to, but I've had a quick browse through threads and I can't see any issue with what you've posted. None or not many of us are therapists or doctors here, just a community trying to look after each other through hard times so as long as you're polite and not intending malice, I don't think you can go wrong. Everyone contributes in their own way.

2 - I don't think you're delusional - you're just hurting. Like you said, sometimes people can't see the explanation or solution - emotions mess with us but it doesn't necessarily make us delusional, or if it does, it's often temporary - another beautiful thing about this place (which I'm sure you've experienced as well as contributed to) is that platform to get other opinions, or someone to set us straight and spell things out when our emotions make us delusional.

3 - I'm not certain about this one because I have some serious issues with delusion myself. Some of it is about my physical appearance that I know is never going to go away - but in regards to emotional state - I try to recognise little symptoms and instantly write everything that's going on down in a journal, leave out nothing, even the grisly bits - and then read back over it when it passes and I'm feeling better.

I hope this helps, even slightly - there's a reason I don't give much advice hah! If this is naff and I can interest you in a funny video of cats, hit me up

 

[Tana]

1 - Nope. To be fair, I've mostly seen you in chat and always thought you were pleasant to talk to, but I've had a quick browse through threads and I can't see any issue with what you've posted. None or not many of us are therapists or doctors here, just a community trying to look after each other through hard times so as long as you're polite and not intending malice, I don't think you can go wrong. Everyone contributes in their own way.

2 - I don't think you're delusional - you're just hurting. Like you said, sometimes people can't see the explanation or solution - emotions mess with us but it doesn't necessarily make us delusional, or if it does, it's often temporary - another beautiful thing about this place (which I'm sure you've experienced as well as contributed to) is that platform to get other opinions, or someone to set us straight and spell things out when our emotions make us delusional.

3 - I'm not certain about this one because I have some serious issues with delusion myself. Some of it is about my physical appearance that I know is never going to go away - but in regards to emotional state - I try to recognise little symptoms and instantly write everything that's going on down in a journal, leave out nothing, even the grisly bits - and then read back over it when it passes and I'm feeling better.

I hope this helps, even slightly - there's a reason I don't give much advice hah! If this is naff and I can interest you in a funny video of cats, hit me up

Ey, It's a second opinion. I appreciate it.
Mostly though, the journal sounds like a good idea...I'll give it a shot.
Think I can separate these two types of thoughts (so to speak) more easily that way, or go back and check and fix when I'm in a "normal" state..yeah, that sounds like a great idea actually...IF my reasoning skills are actually OK. XD Think they are but...there's a kind of question to ask here, which makes me doubt myself.

Thanks again.

 

[Butterfly]

I don't think you are delusional as in psychosis delusional. It seems like it's paranoia due to low esteem. I very much doubt that anyone here will have thought negative of you as you have only ever been helpful and understanding.

 

[Aurelia]

Dude, come on, do you have any idea how many people here give advice to others that they need to take for themselves? Me, included? It doesn't make you a bad person in any way, just someone who's trying to help someone else.

 

[Tana]

Thank you for your POV @Butterfly .
I didn't find it reasonable either, but it was at war with it. It was more ill-feel based, therefore not easy to get rid of with a more objective view which has no emotional attachments...more so since I wasn't sure if I should trust my logic. However, I suppose I should...have before, and it was a way better ideal lol. Feelings lie a lot, and should be questioned.

Thanks again.

 

[Tana]

Thank you @Aurelia .
Thanks for the feedback, guys.

I trust you, and know what to do, now. )
Unless anyone has opposite views of what was said here, I don't need any more opinions. Thanks.

 

[Butterfly]

Thank you for your POV @Butterfly .
I didn't find it reasonable either, but it was at war with it. It was more ill-feel based, therefore not easy to get rid of with a more objective view which has no emotional attachments...more so since I wasn't sure if I should trust my logic. However, I suppose I should...have before, and it was a way better ideal lol. Feelings lie a lot, and should be questioned.

Thanks again.

Always go with logic. It's almost always right.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You've been supportive to me and many others, so I'd say you're pretty great. Mental health issues can create a skewed image of ourselves, so that can be hard to reason with at times. And I don't lie to people, so I'm being honest with my assessment.

 

[sinking_ship]

I've just seen you trying to be helpful. Most of us are better at applying advice to other people than to ourselves.

If I were you I'd look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to help you learn to challenge those kind of thoughts. Can I ask why you don't want to have outside support though? You can read about it and work on applying the techniques on your own, but it's much better to have someone to work through it with you.

 

[Tana]

I've just seen you trying to be helpful. Most of us are better at applying advice to other people than to ourselves.

If I were you I'd look into CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to help you learn to challenge those kind of thoughts. Can I ask why you don't want to have outside support though? You can read about it and work on applying the techniques on your own, but it's much better to have someone to work through it with you.

I'm not very comfortable with that outside the internet, and don't wish to ask here for feedback every time I get such thoughts.
Besides, couldn't afford therapy.

 

[Tana]

I've heard of CBT and I'll look into it further.
Thanks.