It feels like a big dream and I am hoping to wake up soon. I cant believe I went in for my routine shot yesterday, which eneded up in me seeing my kidney doctor and then being told I have to start dialysis tomorrow (July 4th). I knew it was coming I just didnt think it would be this soon. Now I found out today that instead of the average 3 hours on the machine I will be spending three and a half hours on the machine. I am going to start back to school to help pass the time, but i am just so sad. I hate this road. I often think and wonder if its worth the fight anymore. My family is supportive, but I feel like my illness has made me an even bigger burden to family and friends. I know I have all of you for support, I just get to where I dont want someone to go without help because of me talking about things so much. There maybe times I say I am ok and fine, inside especially right now I am crushed. I just want it to be ok to not be ok and that my tears are ok. People keep telling I got this and I can do this. I also keep being told you been through this before you can do it again. Yes that is true, but each time is different. My bod is different from last time. I just dont know anymore. This is all so hard I just dont know. I guess part of me says its time to give up. I just dont know.
s* sorry you are going through this 
its saddening, please keep us updated, good luck today x
