Stay away

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by confuzzle, Aug 13, 2009.

  1. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I'll just say this right now. I'm taking up time that you could use somewhere else to a better extent. They say this is Let it Out, so I am gonna let all of this out, because if I hold it inside...maybe I should, maybe I should so that others dont fear for me. Others dont worry about me. Others dont care for me, love me, or even talk to me.

    It's proven. I hurt people. I hurt my mom, both two girlfriends, and people who even try to approach me. Eventually, know me long enough, I am gonna hurt you. I will hurt you because its in my nature. One word, one thought, thats all it takes to set you off, give you pain. My mouth works a thousand different ways, and it will eventually find the pain giving words. It's only a matter of time.

    I warned them, I warned them of what they were getting into. I am beyond reproach, beyond redemption, beyond saving. Hell, this little rant is just another sick ploy for me to focus it on the me, and not them. mememememememememememe, thats all its ever about. I AM HURTING, I AM THIS, I AM THAT....CANT YOU ALL HEAR ME OUT THERE? Feelings...bah, they got me into this mess. They opened up this door. Why did i even bother with them, I shut them once, and I should do it again. Then I hurt for others, rightly so, and then maybe one day I'll make it so I can't hurt again. Yeah, are you WORRIED? am I causing you to be on edge? Sad and confused and hurting because you guys said something wrong? WHY ON EARTH WOULD IT EVER BE YOU? YOU HURT BECAUSE OF ME, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING, WHY SHOULD YOU EVEN CARE?

    why bother? I know exactly whats going to happen. I post this, stupidly, without thinking, only for myself, and yeah, its gonna be read. People are gonna worry, put off thier concerns, thier fears, thier hopes, thier dreams, and they are gonna come and talk to me. You are gonna post in here, say your message, and hell, if you care enough (no point too, nothing good for you there) you will probably write on my page, or send me a PM.

    Yeah, this is definitely about me. Always me. You really shouldn't have me around. I thought this might make me feel better, but it doesn't. It just confirms the fact that people need to stay away. You stay away, you don't get hurt. You open your doors, and it might not be today, might not be tomorrow...but eventually, I will hurt. You. Badly. You will curse my name, and yes, I deserve it. Maybe that's why he hit me. Maybe he saw it. Called me a thief in his own home. Dad, knowing half of him inside me, probably saw it, woke me up to it. People flinch away from pain, or should, if they know what is good for them. His way of saying I should stay away from others, hurt me instead of them, cause I'm different. I cause pain. He saw it from my early age, branded me. I know, so why don't you?

    Later I'll come back here, probably apologize, regret it all. Won't mean a thing though. That's just me coming back to steal more attention, be more selfish, try to repair this open curtain, only to go back into my trap making ways.

    Don't bother with me. You deserve better. If no one else sees this, its the best. Why didn't I make it a diary, where no one could respond? I don't know, stupid me wanting attention.

    Stay away everyone, I'll only hurt. I guess it's my duty, after all, to warn you.
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    the person you are hurting the most is yourself..
    why dont you let others help you a little.. they love you..
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    It's okay for things to be about just you for a while. You deserve help, support, friendship, and replies just as much as anyone else here does.

    I hope you don't apologize or have any regrets about posting what you did. You have nothing to apologize for. And there's nothing wrong with wanting some attention, with wanting to be noticed.

    If you ever want to talk, or vent, you can PM me anytime.
  4. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Well.. I feel a lot like you do about myself. But I suppose if we've warned people and some people still wanna help anyway, well... I try to accept that even though I find myself trying to push them away to save them from me. But I think we deserve kindness and goodness like everyone else, and we deserve help, its just that most people don't know how to handle it.
  5. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    I love you Mark :hug: