Still miss her.

[golrab]

Sorry man, I've been there...am still there. It's been about 2 years and my time with her was the happiest of my life. Been on medication since I was 20 so my depression isn't just her, but is sure feels like if she was back I'd be better. That't one of the toughest things about being a melancholic, when you find someone that actually makes your life better you cannot and do not want to give up on it. It's like dying for cause. The idea stays alive within you and doesn't dissipate even though time goes on. So far the only thing that helps me at all is being around people. I don't have many people at all where I live and I'm terrible at making friends, but you've got to take every opportunity for human contact. The more memories I put between her and my present the life the easier it has gotten. You may fall completely on your face sometimes and relapse into thinking only of her, but you have to ride it out. It's scary because at those low points suicide seems real, but then after time, sometimes weeks, you feel a little better and suicide doesn't seem like a good option at all. It's getting through those crazy times. I'm sorry that you have the added struggle with addiction. Just stay in therapy, stay on a healthy schedule as much as you can, and continue to be around others. Hope this isn't crappy advice. Wish you well.