Things have been really good the last few days. i write in a journal to my brother every day just the simplest things so he knows how things are going on with out him here anymore. i have been handling my loss of him to the best of my ability. today i was cleaning out the storage closet and one of the boxes has every card and letter i have gotten since i was twelve. i wasnt thinking and decided i would go through it. i found all of our letters and cards, right down to every letter we exchanged while he was incarcerated. i wasnt using my wise mind and decided to look through ours from then. i thought i could handle reading some of them that maybe it would bring me some sort of peace i guess. It wasnt the right time i started breaking down around the 5th or 6th letter from him. i keep telling myself that its fine just move on. its not that easy and as i found out tonight it is still there the pain of losing him. i keep telling myself you should be over this and i pretend daily that ive moved on and it is what it is. what happened is done i dont need to miss him this much anymore, but i cant help it the pain is still there and it still hurts so bad. i know its stupid to still feel lost without him still, i just want the hurting to stop and i dont know how to do that pretending that im fine isnt the answer so what is?
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Still missing him
- Thread starter Bbear82
- Start date
I'm sorry for your pain and that you lost your brother. Sometimes the grief hits us harder than other times. It's okay to not be okay. Grief takes time to work through. My uncle passed away 9 years ago and I still cry about it when I look at pictures. Having letters and cards is so very personal, I can totally understand crying and feeling sorrow looking at those. Grief is complicated. Be kind to yourself and realize that we never "get over" the loss of a loved one. We just get better with time. 
s* I hope today you are feeling better.
s* I hope today you are feeling better.
Hi, I'm not sure what the answer is either. But being kind to yourself and accepting your feelings as valid may help you more than thinking you 'should be over it'. You will likely grieve for him throughout your life - there will always be special occasions and times when his loss will affect you more intensely again, even if overall you are beginning to cope with his death and the pain subsides somewhat. My Dad lost his brother when he was a young adult, and he and his parents and siblings often have a quiet moment together thinking of him at occasions when the family is together.
I know your right I don’t think I’ll ever just be over it I still struggle to this day with the loss of my daughter although the pain is different and the struggle to cope with both is some what different. I am going to try and let myself accept the grief and feelings which is so much harder for me to do since I don’t think it’s ok for me to have feelings if that makes sense
Everyone grieves differently. There's no timeframe for it, and you're right, pretending you're fine isn't the answer.
Grief counseling might be helpful. You can talk about your feelings and share memories of your brother with others who are grieving too.
I don't know if it would be helpful to you, but if you think it might, then I'd sure like you to share memories of your brother with us to get to know him and you better.
Sometimes doing something in his memory can be a healing legacy.
Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to grieve, Bbear.
Grief counseling might be helpful. You can talk about your feelings and share memories of your brother with others who are grieving too.
I don't know if it would be helpful to you, but if you think it might, then I'd sure like you to share memories of your brother with us to get to know him and you better.
Sometimes doing something in his memory can be a healing legacy.
Be gentle with yourself. It's okay to grieve, Bbear.
I think we are conditioned to get over a loss in a certain amount of time. Think about it: Your company will give you 5 days bereavement, then you're back at work. After a funeral is over people treat that as though that's the "end". The way we deal with grief as a society (especially if you are American) is so unhealthy.
A lot of people feel shame over grieving and I honestly think that accepting grief and the feelings along with it is healthier than trying to hide it and pretend you're okay. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and I wish I could do something to take that pain away, but hold on to the memories of your loved ones and don't make yourself feel guilty. If you didn't feel anything that would be abnormal and scary, right?
Just read @WaterUnder 's response and agree 100%
A lot of people feel shame over grieving and I honestly think that accepting grief and the feelings along with it is healthier than trying to hide it and pretend you're okay. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and I wish I could do something to take that pain away, but hold on to the memories of your loved ones and don't make yourself feel guilty. If you didn't feel anything that would be abnormal and scary, right?
Just read @WaterUnder 's response and agree 100%
