I feel really low today. I am feeling really anxious about silly things that don't matter- and I am feeling like I can't stop everything from falling apart. Not sure if my meds are working maybe I need more or something. I'm not doing anything about any other kind of therapy though, and I guess this is wrong. I have nobody to talk to because people in the real world make me feel even more like a weirdo if I try to say how I am feeling. I told my friends I had depression and none of them ever ask me how I am, in fact they have distanced themselves from me. I don't really have any friends anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I have to drag myself up out of this hole and fast but I'm finding it very hard. I do want to live, but not like this. It's really hurt me to be abandoned by my friends, even though I understand that people have their own lives and all that. It just makes me feel that I wasn't worth the effort to them, and my sense of self esteem has taken a big knock in the last few years. I never felt great about my achievements, or my looks or anything like that, but I did used to think I was a likeable person and was able to make friends and get on with people and have fun with them. I don't feel like I can do it anymore, I think people think I'm odd and they don't want to be around me. I just don't know what to do in this situation, because for thirty years I wasn't like that. It's a real problem.