Struggling to stay alive

[ace]

I'm struggling to hold on badly each day I'm saying it's going to be my last as I'm sure most know.I can't handle the depression anymore and the other conditions.I saw my Therapist again today yes we talked but I don't feel any better,I see my Dr(Psych)regularly but nothing changes.

I try to change try everything but it's all to no avail,so I ask myself what is the point of it all feeling like such shit always.
How am I going to keep going on when all I feel is misery everyday?I can't help that the equipment is ready at home and the park isn't too far away.

 

[ELLIEANDMONKEY]

Don't do it. We want you here.

 

[IV2010]

Ace....:i'm sorry::stop::please::hug:

 

[ddman]

You've made it this far. Take it day by day.

Is there a way you can change your medication to something that might work for you?

 

[Rukia]

:hug: You know I love you to bits and I'm always here for you. Please don't give up. :wub:

 

[icequeen]

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live

i came across this one day not too long ago, and i try and remember
to read it everyday even when i am struggling.

take it day by day as thinking about the "future" can be scary and daunting
when feeling so bad...i am sure a lot if not all of us here have been in the same place you are and are still here despite how we felt so you can too... just dig a bit deeper to hold on pls :console:

 

[the_snowcub]

Hello Ace, For one reason or another, I am in exactly the same place as you. I too have my kit ready. I too can see no purpose. May be, just may be, I was meant to ready your post tonight. What if you live a day, so I live a day. Then, I live a day, so you live a day. We might even be able to pull each other through the darkness

 

[icequeen]

snowcub and ace :agreed::shake::hug::yes:

 

[ace]

Thank you everyone again still struggling badly think these new meds are useless like the rest.The suicidal urges are so strong right now so tired of living don't know how I'm going to get through another day/night.

 

[MelissaC]

Suicide is not the answer, trust me. Ive been there. Depression is huge in my family. Ive had two uncles kill themselves, and a thirteen year old nephew too. Ive also suffered from depression for many years. I used to think of suicide everyday,.. an easy means out, i always thought. no more worries, no more bills, no more struggles, no more pain. But its not,...its not the answer. You are somebody, whether you believe it or not. we all are, and although life has all these pains,.. there are some things that are beautiful. Not everyones dreams in life come true. I know mine didnt. I didnt go to college for one, like i should have.. now i am a 32 yr old telemarketer,.. ive had 9 miscarriages, got this biological clock tickin and cant do anything bout it, cause im too broke to adopt,.. can barely makes ends meet right now, with my husband outta work for the last seven months. Had the car repo'd.. i mean, truly the list for me goes on and on...but in all the anguish, somewhere, we gotta stay positive. do you really wanna die? be gone forever?... is suicide the answer for you??... i truly hope,.. it isnt. no matter how much pain ive gone thru,.. i know things cant get much worse, somehow, and i know it sounds ridiculous, it helps me feel better, knowing that. maybe you could find a hobby,.. something to take your mind off the suicidal thoughts. :smile:... or write things,.. if u like to that is. i started a journal recently,.. its actually quite relaxing. i now write in it like 6 times a day.. neways u are someone special.. and remember that. i dont know you, but i dont have to, to know that what your thinking of doing is foolish...and if you ever need someone to talk to, just write me.. :smile:

 

[peacelovingguy]

Ace, how long have you been on the new medication?

And bear in mind if one is not working after a couple of months or if it increases your worry then you can try another or up the dosage of what you are using.

It is a flip of the coin in some ways although the odds of an SSRI helping is more than 50% in double blind tests.

I'm not saying medication is the only thing but when depression hits as hard as it hits yourself then it has to be tried out. If you really think your going to commit suicide then you ought to go to a hospital. This might help in the long run as you maybe qualified for more help and so on.

 

[ace]

Thankyou for your reply and concern/support PLG,I've been on the new med for about three weeks now it's been increased recently.It's not just the depression but my other conditions it's probably the thirtieth med I've tried now and I know it's still quite early.I do think I'm going to commit suicide last night I was close,I actually was almost in the process of going outside and grabbing the electrical cord from underneath the house at home.

I don't know how to live anymore my life is such a mess and a disaster to be honest.

 

[Tiny]

I have some experience to share with you. Hopefully it is helpful.

I have depression for 32 years. My depression makes me feel that life is a suffer, there is no hope and nothing to look forward to. I do not enjoy anything, just live day by day. I have been hurt for many times, do not believe other people can do anything for me to feel better. So I lost hope and desire to stay alive.

I did an attempt once, was hospitalized for 4 days with a side effect which is terreble headache in a rainy day. Nothing changed except for I try very hard to recover with the help of medication. I quit my medication after two years and my failed relationship (not my reason) caused my depression again. ( I was not fully recovered before).

Luckily I talked to a friend he also suffers depression. We undrestand each other very well, and we analyze each other's situation. Finally I understand that I am afraid of being alone (mentally). I have no kids and no boyfriend (not ready). I realize kids, boyfriend, husband or other people are not the answer for a happy life. So I ask myself if there is anything I like to do and enjoy doing it before I die. Yes, I have many interests. I like to learn swimming, dancing and become a physically strong person. I like to make more money then can spend it in a decent way. I like to travel around the world and see as many as possible culture, history and architecture as possible. When I am well, I like to help as many people as possible by sharing my story with them. The list can go on and on and on. Since there are still so many things waiting for me to do, how can I end my life?

 

[ace]

Thanks Tiny so sorry to hear you've been struggling for such a long time now.I've had depression for about twenty years now and other conditions for just about that long as well.I've been stuck in shocking rut for the last five years since I had my major breakdown then everything fell apart.I would like to do manyt things in life but I'm tired of fighting at the same time.