Struggling with housework, hoarding, messy, no motivation

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Jojojo, Nov 30, 2012.

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  1. Jojojo

    Jojojo Member

    Hi, I'm not a hoarder in that I collect things. I come home and can't cope with doing anything, the mess builds up, we need clothes or things, can't find them in the mess so go out and by more stuff. A never ending circle. I have a clear out when kind have a home inspection every now and then but it is immensely stressful and I've run out of places to successfully hide stuff away.

    Living in a mess is awful. Ironic that I'm a Housekeeper and clean rooms for a living! I'm good at my job but have a mental block when I get home. After a clear up it feels so much better and I vow to keep up the good work but then I fall behind within a day or two and its back to a mess.

    I know it's as simple as picking things up and putting them away but it's like asking me to shoot a cat, I can't bring myself to do it! I feel utterly stupid that I cannot get to grips with it.

    Ok, we don't have much room for storage but that is just an excuse. I wonder if it stems from my childhood, my parents are the ultimate minimalists. Everything was chucked away if not put away. I remember feeling sick to the stomach at my school jumble sale with my mother when I saw a box with Rupert the bear annuals and asked my mum if I could look in case there were any I didn't have. She replied that they were all mine that she'd donated. That was around forty years ago and it still hurts. Ridiculous I know.

    I had a rabbit, floppy bunny, he got old and tatty and I remember crying when he was thrown out. Likewise my knitted Poodle. They were my friends when I was a child, all taken and got rid of.

    But I'm not a child anymore, I'm an adult in charge of my own home. I must get rid of everything and only keep what's needed.

    My boyfriend says its laziness, pure and simple. It's not, I'm not a lazy person, I like doing things, I'm just overwhelmed when its in a terrible state and don't know where to start and on a daily basis find it hard to do, like there is a mental block preventing. Me. I once spent three months unable to set foot in my kitchen. The children, teenagers helped themselves and just made a big stinking mess and I took them out for food every day at great expense which has ruined our finances.

    Only I can change but i feel so helpless which sounds absolutely pathetic but is the truth.

    When I housesit my boyfriends immaculate house for a week when he goes on holiday, I keep it clean and tidy with no problems, why can't I cope at home?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2012
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    When I am depressed, I find it very hard to deal with a full-on caring for the house. In fact, if the housework is slipping, it may be a sign that my mood has started to slip and I didn't realize. So it becomes time to take stock, and make to do lists, so the big chores are broken down into little ones that feel manageable. And bit by bit, I can usually get back on top of things.

    Yes, if it's been bad, I need a major clean up, but then I keep up with the little to do list chores to stay on track. I haven't given any thought to why this happens, except low mood. For me, I just know I feel better when I have finally gotten things back up to snuff and orderly.

    Whatever your reasons might be, being called lazy might not lift your mood or make you feel like doing more. If it feels manageable and right, we tend to do it more - just for ourselves - and not because someone is overseeing our efforts and judging. Maybe you could make YOUR OWN PLAN for what is reasonable, acceptable and how you will do it.

    Thinking of you. Stay safe.
  3. Jojojo

    Jojojo Member

    Thank you Acy. I over think everything and what you have written makes sense.
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