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suddenly finding it hard to deal with my friend bethany's passing

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by emily83, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    it's been a few months now (i think i posted on here when it happened) and while i was very upset back then, it didon't hit me as hard as it has recently (and i'm not quite sure why)

    i've been listening to a lot of the soundtrack to avenue q, and i was thinking yesterday... i hardly listen to avenue q- why am i listening to it so much?

    and it suddenly dawned on me that the reason i'm listening to it so much, is because bethany loved avenue q and she got me in to it- but i can't put the album down..... it's like all of a sudden i have to listen to it constantly because that's what bethany would have wanted me to do

    just wanted to post a thread about it..feeling rather upset- listening to the album and wishing she was here
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sometimes when I miss someone I do that too, but I have to make sure I do not cause myself more pain in absorbing myself in what my friends did...I try to find a balance...sorry about your loss and it is understandable to be upset
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I can relate to that. Been doing fairly well. The other night i hit a super bad low, then found myself listening to some music my friend gave me (original so it's him singing). Occasionally i just dip down into a bit of melancholy, and find myself listening...then missing people who have passed. I've managed to pull self out of it with help from my friends/family at SF.

    I agree totally with what Sadeyes shared about being cautious not to cause self more pain, and balance is really important.

    Glad you posted. I find it best to talk about these things. (((gentle hugs)))
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    thanks for your reply

    think i'm going to hide the avenue q album for a while if i can (i'll probably end up listening to it!)

    but dunno why i've suddenly become so upset about her

    thanks for the hugs- they are apreciated
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Emily. I'm sorry for your loss. Grief is not a straight and steady path. Some days will be better and some days will be worse. It makes sense to me to turn to things we shared with the one we're grieving - as long as we don't build a home there forever with our sorrow. One day in the future, you will likely find that things you listened to and did with Bethany are memories that don't draw out pain, but instead soothe you and help you remember that you had a good dear friend then and that her memory is with you even now.

    If you are beginning to obsessively play avenue q, how about playing it at a specific time, ONCE during the day/evening and allow yourself to concentrate on Bethany, your friendship, and how much it means to you that she was in your life. And then when it's done, acknowledge to Bethany that you care, and put away avenue q until the next day?

    There is no time frame for grief and how it hits us in starts and fits, but a little ritual can acknowledge how special friends have been and be implemented as "timers" for how long we deal with the sorrow at one time.
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i actually think that is a good idea, thank you.

    i've not played it since i posted