I was looking at pictures from 2010. And I had a perfect hairline back then. Then I saw some pictures from 2016 and that was when my hairline started receding. By 2021 my hairline was gone and my hair was thinning. I took the plunge and buzzed my head with the machine. I've been doing that since. Sometimes I'll use a razor to shave my head. Even after 5 years I still have not gotten used to it, it's like I can't accept it. A part of me died when I had to buzz my head. The person I looked like in 2010 and 2016 doesn't exist anymore. Might as well have died. That's how I have been feeling ever since; dead. It is something permanent, my baldness. I can't put hair back on my head and I can't regrow my hairline. There is nothing I can do about it. I can't afford a hair transplant and I've tried taking medication but it did not work and gave me side effects. Sometimes I feel like it would have been good to die back in 2021 as a part of me died then. Instead of living like a ghost. Sometimes the sadness and embarrassment to live the rest of my days bald is too much to take in and I think I would rather die than live like this, would rather be dead than look the way I look.