Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

[LumberJack]

No, but pretty much only because of other people who would be hurt. Aside from that, though, I don’t have any ability to commit to anything. I don’t have the guts, and even if I did, I’d probably fail at that, too. I know that I am prolonging my own pain by marinating in it, but it’s hard to be rational when every cell of your body is screaming for release.

If there is a god, He probably hates me. That’s what I was taught in church, and right now divine punishment is my best guess for why everything always goes to shit.

 

[Harmony]

Yes, very much.

 

[Inastorm]

i am a little this evening - i just miss my friend, i wish they were here.

 

[XXOutbackXx]

No, but pretty much only because of other people who would be hurt. Aside from that, though, I don’t have any ability to commit to anything. I don’t have the guts, and even if I did, I’d probably fail at that, too. I know that I am prolonging my own pain by marinating in it, but it’s hard to be rational when every cell of your body is screaming for release.

If there is a god, He probably hates me. That’s what I was taught in church, and right now divine punishment is my best guess for why everything always goes to shit.

Not trying to be preachy, or offend you or anyone on here, but at 1 John 4:8, the Bible states that "God is Love." He doesn't hate anyone. He loves everyone. He just wants people to listen to him and become obedient to him by stopping doing what he hates. Repenting of our sins, changing for the better. As a matter of fact, 2 Peter 3:9 states "he doesn't desire anyone to be destroyed but all to attain to repentance." Also, James 1: 13 says "he cannot be tried with evil things nor does he himself try anyone." He doesn't cause our failures, leading to pain and suffering, or evil. This is happening because, as 1 John 5: 19 states, "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." Soon, he plans to remove all of man's problems. This truth can be found at Revelation 21: 3,4, which says that "he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and pain and death will be no more. The former things have passed away." Hope this information helps! Please feel free to check your own copy of the bible for the scriptures mentioned. It may not say the same exact thing, but it should be close.

 

[XXOutbackXx]

A lot of people are single. Being single is way better than being in a bad marriage. Being single isn't so bad. Your life is easier in a lot of ways if you're single. Marriage is not the only path to a life worth living.

I'm sorry if I sound naive. I have never even been on a single dare because I'm so broken. I am short, overweight, have type 1 diabetes, was born crooked footed, have GAD, MDD, and OCD. I live with my Mom and Dad and always have. No one is interested in a person with so much wrong. I only mentioned being single, though, because if I weren't, perhaps I'd have someone to spend time with and a companion to love, hold, and share things with, not being so lonely all the time. I honestly have no idea, though, because I have no experience in such.

 

[LumberJack]

Not trying to be preachy, or offend you or anyone on here, but at 1 John 4:8, the Bible states that "God is Love." He doesn't hate anyone. He loves everyone. He just wants people to listen to him and become obedient to him by stopping doing what he hates. Repenting of our sins, changing for the better. As a matter of fact, 2 Peter 3:9 states "he doesn't desire anyone to be destroyed but all to attain to repentance." Also, James 1: 13 says "he cannot be tried with evil things nor does he himself try anyone." He doesn't cause our failures, leading to pain and suffering, or evil. This is happening because, as 1 John 5: 19 states, "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one." Soon, he plans to remove all of man's problems. This truth can be found at Revelation 21: 3,4, which says that "he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and pain and death will be no more. The former things have passed away." Hope this information helps! Please feel free to check your own copy of the bible for the scriptures mentioned. It may not say the same exact thing, but it should be close.

No problem - I am fine with you sharing your convictions. I was not being literal, though. While I fully respect your views, I have never been able to reconcile my own sense data with the idea of a personal god who gets angry or pleased and hands out rewards and punishments accordingly. I do believe in a divine order to the universe. I think the most sensible ideas I have read are found in Spinoza's metaphysics: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baruch_Spinoza#Metaphysics

This being said, I often feel like I'm hurting so bad that somebody must have a problem with me and that they are far more powerful and possibly in a different universe than this one. So, that becomes my metaphorical God and I blame Him for messing with my life and making it awful. So it's more like God as a super powerful multidemensional entity than god as the creator of the cosmos and author of the laws that hold it all together. I hope that's clear, but I would not be surprised if it's opaque.

 

[cinnnamonflakez]

please just kill me please please i just wanna die im going insane

 

[XXOutbackXx]

No problem - I am fine with you sharing your convictions. I was not being literal, though. While I fully respect your views, I have never been able to reconcile my own sense data with the idea of a personal god who gets angry or pleased and hands out rewards and punishments accordingly. I do believe in a divine order to the universe. I think the most sensible ideas I have read are found in Spinoza's metaphysics: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baruch_Spinoza#Metaphysics

This being said, I often feel like I'm hurting so bad that somebody must have a problem with me and that they are far more powerful and possibly in a different universe than this one. So, that becomes my metaphorical God and I blame Him for messing with my life and making it awful. So it's more like God as a super powerful multidemensional entity than god as the creator of the cosmos and author of the laws that hold it all together. I hope that's clear, but I would not be surprised if it's opaque.

I can understand your pain, and what you stated makes sense. I had just hoped I could help you understand that God in the sense of the Creator doesn't cause our suffering and pain. The "wicked one" is none other than Satan the Devil and he is behind all of it. I'm not attempting to force you to believe anything, just sharing knowledge. I really do hope your situation improves and the pain becomes less and less. Mine too.

 

[XXOutbackXx]

please just kill me please please i just wanna die im going insane

Seek professional help if you haven't already and the pain is too severe. Sometimes a chemical imbalance in the body is to blame and can be fixed with medications or therapies (to help). Consider carefully if you really are saying you want to die or if the words really mean you want the pain and suffering to end. I have thought countless times I wanted to die, only to realize I didn't really want that, I wanted the pain and suffering to end. Our deaths would only leave others who care about us, even if they don't say it very often or sometimes at all, in pain in the wake of the devastation, so please don't actually try to do anything to harm yourself.

 

[LumberJack]

Consider carefully if you really are saying you want to die or if the words really mean you want the pain and suffering to end.

Well stated. I think this applies to just about everyone here. I wish I could have stated it this way when I had sought help. In my case, what I said was taken literally and so I was held involuntarily.

Be very careful what you say to a “professional.” I learned the hard way that: an inpatient psych unit is a for-profit enterprise meant to make money at the expense of patient treatment needs, and stating how you feel can and will be used against you.

 

[Windhover]

I think for me it won't ever go away completely. I'm not planning anything. It sucks that there is no one to talk to about it. I would be less isolated and depressed if only there was someone who understood and wouldn't have a conniption or panic and report me to an authority.

 

[may71]

please just kill me please please i just wanna die im going insane

I'm sorry things are so bad. Please say more about what's going on if you'd like to.

Sending hugs

 

[may71]

No one is interested in a person with so much wrong

I don't think that's true. It's generally harder to find a partner if you have health or financial problems, but it's not impossible.

 

[LumberJack]

I guess I'm doing better now. Passive SI - like I'm not going to go out and do anything on purpose, but I'm not terribly intent on protecting this body either. That's no danger because aside from group support, therapy meetings, and grocery shopping, I don't think I've left my apartment at all for a month or maybe longer. It's because I can hardly get anything done. It takes me usually 12 hours just to get my morning routine completed - I've been up for 7 hours now and haven't showered yet. And this is a better day than most.

So I am isolating and I think that's an ulterior motive with why I'm dragging my feet so much. Isolation is super bad news for me. I'm not an extrovert but I need close contact with a few people about 4x a week on average or I deteriorate. Well, at least I think I've found the reason I feel so down lately.

 

[TragicReality]

Yes

 

[XXOutbackXx]

I'm sorry if I sound naive. I have never even been on a single dare because I'm so broken. I am short, overweight, have type 1 diabetes, was born crooked footed, have GAD, MDD, and OCD. I live with my Mom and Dad and always have. No one is interested in a person with so much wrong. I only mentioned being single, though, because if I weren't, perhaps I'd have someone to spend time with and a companion to love, hold, and share things with, not being so lonely all the time. I honestly have no idea, though, because I have no experience in such.

I meant date, not dare.

 

[XXOutbackXx]

Be very careful what you say to a “professional.” I learned the hard way that: an inpatient psych unit is a for-profit enterprise meant to make money at the expense of patient treatment needs, and stating how you feel can and will be used against you.

I've been in and out several times of such facilities myself, and though all mine were voluntary admissions, I believe there's a great deal of truth to this statement sometimes. It's NOT a good situation for the patients when this is the case!

 

[XXOutbackXx]

Yes

May I ask why?

 

[1964dodge]

I’m sorry to hear you have been dealing with sepsis Mike. I’m glad you have some ends to help even a little. And it’s wonderful to hear you feel you are getting better by the day

thank you janis, i hope you are doing well

your friend

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

i am thinking of it much less now. when pain spikes too high it happens occasionally but not much now. suicide is possible but i'd say my chances of suicide is the same as winning the lottery as i get struck by lightning while on a spaceship to mars, so pretty low lol

mike