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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
Yesterday, thinking about it while fronting my department at work, I realized that one specific suicidal method I've thought about easily-might cause death to somebody else in addition or instead.
I'm not non-suicidal now, but that specific method is joining my growing list of "absolutely-the-fuck-not" methods.
I'm not non-suicidal now, but that specific method is joining my growing list of "absolutely-the-fuck-not" methods.
I go back and forth. I'm packing and the anxiety is mounting. I take the world with me when I travel. And today I am proud of one bag and a canvas tote with my purse in it for the plane. But dang, I didn't have room for toiletries and I freaked. So now I get to check a bigger bag...the anxiety evaporated when I figured I could use my duffel. Geez, I did not want to go out and buy a new piece of luggage and the light bulb went off. So what if I have to check a bag instead of carrying it on the plane.....It's all good and I think the anxiety is a combo of not liking to travel via airports and planes any longer and what my purpose of the trip is for and a new decade of life starting this Thursday, #70.
Done the travel for decades for fun and I'm so over it. I pulled back from going to let's just get the hell out of my body to "ok, I'm here for another day, and I have intentions for tomorrow."....... right now maybe that's just going to have to be enough. I'll go to sleep, get up at 3 am, and get going out the door at 5am.. Part of me just wants to curl up in bed and pull the covers over me. And then there is the part that wants to be here and see what might possibly happen to improve my peace and even have some joy. Day by day is still how it's going. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be? Thoughts?
Done the travel for decades for fun and I'm so over it. I pulled back from going to let's just get the hell out of my body to "ok, I'm here for another day, and I have intentions for tomorrow."....... right now maybe that's just going to have to be enough. I'll go to sleep, get up at 3 am, and get going out the door at 5am.. Part of me just wants to curl up in bed and pull the covers over me. And then there is the part that wants to be here and see what might possibly happen to improve my peace and even have some joy. Day by day is still how it's going. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be? Thoughts?
