Not really. I am looking forward to death. My intrusive thoughts are screaming at me that the only reason I have not to kms is that I would fail at that, too. So the inside of my mind is in a really bad state. Iβm trying to let it be, in the sense that this is depression. I have depression, so itβs not a surprise to feel existential fear and despair. Maybe I can get used to it so that it is less disturbing.