Summoned

[GoldenPsych]

I have been summoned by the CPN/CCO and Dr T to go see them this afternoon. They gave me 1.5hours notice. I am scared. I have already seen an AMHP and he will be a S12 approved. What if it's a MHA. I think they want me to go to hospital.

I still feel the same. I am still having suicidal thoughts. I don't have a plan but I have had ideas. Nothing concrete though.

 

[peacelovingguy]

Is it not worth going just to get yourself covered?

I mean, I have suicidal thoughts - but nothing concrete.

I'd go if I were you - if only to get benefits covered. Everyone is getting them cut - but obviously you'll be OK there as you got enough troubles in the past few months to qualify,

It is a parachute for you - I'd claim the highest rates - get a carer - its quite good money and would enable you to study and have a couple of pounds to buy a few things.

What your brother said - says it all really.

I hope and pray GP that you are on the road to recovery.

Also - was waiting for your blog update re some 'big thing' you had to say. Hope its something positive - and no matter what you said - what you've done in the past - I really don't bother much with that.

If I let my past shape me - I'd be done for also.

You WILL save lives - but first you got the biggest challenge any of us face ever! I understand 100% what you are going through. There is no bigger important decision we will face in life - the question of whether to end your life is THE most important question we ever ask. Everything else pales into comparison when we are in that process.

You've asked it so much - and answered it.

I think anyone who has the courage to die - also has the courage to live also.

IF you get better - a lot of people here will take great comfort. Not just for you - we feel like your getting better means there is HOPE for us also.

Anyway - I wish you well as always.

Hope you get some peace of mind - because that's al we need really I guess. That would be the ideal thing for me. It must be amazing to feel that way. For more than 5 minutes at a time!

Good luck GP! :anony:

 

[Butterfly]

Hope it goes ok GP and I hope you can all come to sort of agreement of what steps you need to take next to get well. I will be thinking about you :hug:

 

[GoldenPsych]

They're going to do a full mental health act assessment. I stood by what I had said. I don't want to work with them. Reason being is I want to get on with things on my own and forget about it. Not have it constantly brought up. It makes me feel worse having more people involved.

They are coming to my house tomorrow to do it. My GP, a social worker and maybe Dr T. If not him another psychiatrist.

I really don't like Dr T. He tried again telling me I was having feelings I wasn't. Fool!

They asked me to go voluntarily. I said no. At first they were reluctant to let me leave. But in the end they did.

I will blog later as there is quite a lot I want to say about things still.

x

 

[peacelovingguy]

Damn!!!

I just lost my post GP!!

I was trying to grab some Johnny Cash lyrics to, well, maybe cheer you a little - but who knows - maybe you don't like Johnny Cash.

You should do!

After all he was 'The Man in Black' - he carried off the darkness - made people happy although he was pretty much well and truly on a downward spiral until he met his lovely wife June Carter the C&W singer. His second wife - first one hated his guitar! Said he would never make money. lol - but Johnny Cash did not care about money - he was on a mission to make people happy, raise spirits a little and carry the darkness for others.

Other people DO carry it for us. We share it - or they share it and we feel better if anyone admits openly and without shame that they struggle with depression. Nothing to be ashamed of!

I'm just SO glad your time was not up.

We'd all feel pretty bad if you went. I mean your family would be the worse - but in some ways we share more with each other here than families.

No WAY would I sit down with my mother and father and chat about suicide - or wanting to kill someone! Anger issues - blah blah - I bring that here and to my cool sponsor who can deal with things.

You got a sponsor GP?

You know that system has to be bought into what we have. Works for AA and NA - you know - you go on a coke binge and phone up the sponsor afterwards - or before! Yes - before is better! Well - suicide thoughts are worse than a coke binge. A sponsor can help there.

I'd sooner be a drug addict than depressed. Its easy to stop feeling bad on drugs - you just stop using them! I envy the heroin addicts I meet everyday.

Anyhow - get a sponsor other than your own head!!

Plenty of nice people here for that.

NO man or woman is an island - though I understand if you need time alone to get thoughts clear.

You have the choice of actually helping yourself GP - some here do not - and live in conditions which make me feel very sad indeed. We are fortunate in many ways - to waste that advantage would make those less fortunate feel more hopeless. It really would.

So - you got to hang on really - you cannot exit this life yet - you got Karma left to pay - so have I - but I got more than you for sure. Like Buddha is onto me as well as JC and all the rest of the Catholic 'stuff' that spins around my head.

So - best wishes and all the luck in the world

And a prayer also - does no harm - I'm not selling God to anyone - you got to buy it yourself.

Send me a £100 cheque - I'll send some 'holy' grain of sand which Jesus walked on. Got like - a million grains - so could be rich if this catches on.

Apologies if your not in the mood for humour.

Regards!

I do hope you read these long posts - if its too much - say and I'll adapt to what is best - one sentence, two - or 200000000 its all the same for me.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I think I am going to be sectioned tomorrow...

http://behind-the-scenes-goldenpsych.blogspot.com/2011/08/it-is-getting-worse.html

 

[peacelovingguy]

Read the article. :sad:

Hope things go ok.

Amazing how you can write so well feeling so unwell - oh well - maybe you ought to be a writer.:smile:

Maybe its best jumping and not getting pushed sometimes also.

Go voluntarily to hospital for a few days.

Leave your needles at home!

Hope you are a bit better when you get out - if you go in that is.

I think you ought to - or stay in your mums for a few days.

Some people get out those hospitals and do not see a living soul - nor have anyone in this world. I mean they have nobody.

You do GP - you got family and 2 friends who can talk about this to.

And many here you'd sooner just overdose than talk to.

Or talk with!

But - I don't judge you for that and am not annoyed - its just the way we are sometimes - stubborn - sooner die than even have help.

But we live in hope eh GP

I will pray things go well for you.

Best wishes as ever.