Tell me change is possible.

[UrbanRose]

@UrbanRose

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I understand, and I can relate. I spent thousands on meds and counseling/therapy. None of it really helped much. Like you, I've been in the fight pretty much on my own for 40 years or more. I don't talk about it anymore, except here (and not much here, even) because people don't really care or understand, for the most part. They don't want to be bothered with it.

Do you have a pet? I have a cat, and he gives me more comfort than any of the people I know (except my son). And caring for him gives me comfort as well. Just a thought.

I just wanted to say I hear you and I'm sorry you're hurting 😞

Thanks for your kind words. I did go to the animal shelter last week to look at dogs. I'm not up to that right now. But it's a possibility. I'm glad to hear that your cat brings you comfort.

 

[MisterBGone]

I have seen a therapist 3 times. My doctor referred me to a psychologist that I'll see this week.

From yesterday to today, I've gotten much worse. This is like a slow motion nightmare. I no longer believe that this is bound to blow over. I used to have that faith. Been thru this before. Now, I'm too isolated for too long.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I never found professional help to be very helpful in the past. I had bad depression before. I pretty much had to work my own way out of it. It feels like I have no fight left.

I keep going back to bed. I'm sore from lying here. Maybe getting into a bath would feel good. I really need help. I need to not be this alone. But going to a hospital would be useless.

I even think of hiring someone to just sit here in my place. If there was someone else here, I would be able to go do the dishes. While I'm alone, I can't manage to stay off the Internet. I feel less isolated when I go into Cyberspace.

Maybe I need some sedating drug to calm down my mind. I tried lots of stuff in the past. The stuff didn't help.

I'm sorry @UrbanRose . . . I hope that you can find something that will work for you, and will help you to get this thing turned around. And hopefully, for the most part, turned around for good. (Meaning that any future set-backs that occur will not remind you of this one...)

 

[TragicReality]

I understand being alone. I could say I have a friend, here and there, but they'll mostly just talk on the phone. None of the few understand me. Or discuss mental health really although one does know me for most of my life. , I act like I'm fine, because there's no point complaining to people. Exception being doctors. I have to stop getting dressed nice, putting on some makeup, and not being persistent when it comes to my care. I'm also being pushed for mammograms, colonoscopies etc... I'm sure she didn't like my response, but I just said no, you'll stick something in there, find a polyp and call it cancer. But you won't resolve my issue that is right here and now.

I had many counsellors, one therapist, none of them could help because they hadn't been through depression themselves, although I'd say dbt had some helpfulness in it.

Here you find other people who struggle too. I like all the posts and support here

I know you feel not up to getting a pet. But what if you did? A puppy. They'll pee on carpet or floor if you don't take them outside, giving you that motivation to get out your door. I had one once and got a crate for overnight, it worked really well while housetraining it. It would make you feel less awkward being outside on your own. I don't know what you need there to have it as a guide, but here I saw a physically healthy man take his dog around saying it was his ''emotional support dog''.....You'd have a companion. I know it's not the same as a human. I had dogs I trained them to do everything, heel, play dead, rollover, stay... it's an effort worthwhile. I often look at humanity and say animals are kinder to humans than humans are to other humans.

What about if you got one, and had an agreement with that shelter that if you can't handle it, you could bring it back? I really feel like this is part of what will give you motivation. And company, along with using the internet, doctors and trying your psychotherapy. It is a lot of work, but it might be what gives you a schedule after the puppy has been trained. Instead of up late at night alone, you have a being to care for, and they'll care for you. .. Or start with a dog that's housebroken. But I think a puppy would really give you a companion that is your own.

 

[UrbanRose]

I understand being alone. I could say I have a friend, here and there, but they'll mostly just talk on the phone. None of the few understand me. Or discuss mental health really although one does know me for most of my life. , I act like I'm fine, because there's no point complaining to people. Exception being doctors. I have to stop getting dressed nice, putting on some makeup, and not being persistent when it comes to my care. I'm also being pushed for mammograms, colonoscopies etc... I'm sure she didn't like my response, but I just said no, you'll stick something in there, find a polyp and call it cancer. But you won't resolve my issue that is right here and now.

I had many counsellors, one therapist, none of them could help because they hadn't been through depression themselves, although I'd say dbt had some helpfulness in it.

Here you find other people who struggle too. I like all the posts and support here

I know you feel not up to getting a pet. But what if you did? A puppy. They'll pee on carpet or floor if you don't take them outside, giving you that motivation to get out your door. I had one once and got a crate for overnight, it worked really well while housetraining it. It would make you feel less awkward being outside on your own. I don't know what you need there to have it as a guide, but here I saw a physically healthy man take his dog around saying it was his ''emotional support dog''.....You'd have a companion. I know it's not the same as a human. I had dogs I trained them to do everything, heel, play dead, rollover, stay... it's an effort worthwhile. I often look at humanity and say animals are kinder to humans than humans are to other humans.

What about if you got one, and had an agreement with that shelter that if you can't handle it, you could bring it back? I really feel like this is part of what will give you motivation. And company, along with using the internet, doctors and trying your psychotherapy. It is a lot of work, but it might be what gives you a schedule after the puppy has been trained. Instead of up late at night alone, you have a being to care for, and they'll care for you. .. Or start with a dog that's housebroken. But I think a puppy would really give you a companion that is your own.

Thank you for talking about something I've given a lot of thought too. I agree with you about how a pet could change much in my life. Actually, I would prefer to adopt an adult dog with a shorter life expectancy than a puppy. I did that 20 years ago and adopted a 5 year old dog who lived another 6 years. It was quite an experience. She became intensely attached to me, beyond what I ever expected. We went everywhere together, and I really loved her.

I'ld like to get more emotionally stabilized before deciding on a commitment like that. I don't think I could ever bring back a dog I had taken home.

I share with you some other views. I too have declined mammograms. Too much risk of getting a false positive that leads to a huge amount of anxiety and getting cut up unnecessarily. Some experts now say that identifying lesions early doesn't lead to longer life expectancy than discovering them at a more advanced stage, when it is more apparent that they are truly malignant. I've also declined getting one more bone density scan and another colonoscopy. I'll get to them again, but I see no urgency.

Every appointment I go to involves me getting screened for alcohol abuse . . . for no particular reason. It's just one of their policies. "When was the last time you drank more than 6 drinks in one day?" Every few months I get grilled on this. Meanwhile, I'm 40 pounds overweight with escalating abnormal blood sugar levels . . . and nobody cares. I have a long, well-documented history of being treated for depression, and nobody cares. The medical assistant does a depression screening questionaire at least twice a year. Regardless of the answers I give, there is zero follow-up by the doctor. Next time, I'm going to say that I'm reading a manual on how to kill oneself. I'll also say that I drink a quart of vodka and two six packs every day. I just want to see what response that will elicit. It's such a farce.

I too clean up well. I know how to act okay, even when I am terribly not okay. There's no point burdening others. I'm not looking to invite others to a "pity-me" party. They've got their own problems. I find that peer consumers of psychiatric services are the best people to talk to. Thanks again for your input.

 

[TragicReality]

Thank you for talking about something I've given a lot of thought too. I agree with you about how a pet could change much in my life. Actually, I would prefer to adopt an adult dog with a shorter life expectancy than a puppy. I did that 20 years ago and adopted a 5 year old dog who lived another 6 years. It was quite an experience. She became intensely attached to me, beyond what I ever expected. We went everywhere together, and I really loved her.

I'ld like to get more emotionally stabilized before deciding on a commitment like that. I don't think I could ever bring back a dog I had taken home.

I share with you some other views. I too have declined mammograms. Too much risk of getting a false positive that leads to a huge amount of anxiety and getting cut up unnecessarily. Some experts now say that identifying lesions early doesn't lead to longer life expectancy than discovering them at a more advanced stage, when it is more apparent that they are truly malignant. I've also declined getting one more bone density scan and another colonoscopy. I'll get to them again, but I see no urgency.

Every appointment I go to involves me getting screened for alcohol abuse . . . for no particular reason. It's just one of their policies. "When was the last time you drank more than 6 drinks in one day?" Every few months I get grilled on this. Meanwhile, I'm 40 pounds overweight with escalating abnormal blood sugar levels . . . and nobody cares. I have a long, well-documented history of being treated for depression, and nobody cares. The medical assistant does a depression screening questionaire at least twice a year. Regardless of the answers I give, there is zero follow-up by the doctor. Next time, I'm going to say that I'm reading a manual on how to kill oneself. I'll also say that I drink a quart of vodka and two six packs every day. I just want to see what response that will elicit. It's such a farce.

I too clean up well. I know how to act okay, even when I am terribly not okay. There's no point burdening others. I'm not looking to invite others to a "pity-me" party. They've got their own problems. I find that peer consumers of psychiatric services are the best people to talk to. Thanks again for your input.

I've rarely been asked about how much I drink. That puzzles me why you are being grilled on that. I think it's something your saying sarcasticly? about saying you've read a manual on how to kill yourself, but there's probably a reason you aren't saying that you feel like actually doing that? But if you're at your wits end isn't that what we need to say? It means they'd put you in hospital, and do you feel it wouldn't help? You know other peers in the psych system are the best to talk to and relate to in your experience. I do wish there was a place you could just meet and talk with like minded people who understand just how screwed up the mental health care system is, or that understand you and connect with you.

I think there is a place for real reasons to complain,the doctors. but I had that with my doctor a while ago and the only answer he gave was to take antipsychotics and they don't help me and cause weight gain. I did take some for a couple nights to stop my spiraling but it's not a fix for anything. It didn't give me a proper rest anyway

I couldn't really bring a dog back either, one time I had to because the landlady was bitching every time I took it outside, it couldn't make it to the lawn before it pooped. How large is it going to get, the rules are less than 20 pounds you know! I didn't let myself get attatched to it yet. So getting an older dog is good if your worried about the dog outliving you or whatever your reasons. I know what you mean when you say nobody cares. There's very few good people out there, or doctors, it is a crapshoot, you either get lucky rarely, or end up with docs or counselors who really don't care. It's the way people are these days I think, medical students probably now are totally taught nothing much of anything other than what to prescribe. I bet they'd make for horrible patients themselves. I have no good things to say to help, but being less well put together when you go might get more help. Hard to undo who we are, but I just started being more, i don't know the word, persistent, but kind of angry and flippant when being treated as a patient that's not worth getting the right help. I got a friggin 10 page thing for addiction help, after going for help in the er about 6 weeks ago. So not grilled about alcohol, but maybe for not having slept in nights I talked so slow she came to a conclusion I'm an addict on something. Made no sense. Crisis worker just said ''I'm not having you go inpatient''.... so no matter how bad we feel we have to say we'll kill ourselves or have a plan. I'm sorry.

 

[UrbanRose]

I've rarely been asked about how much I drink. That puzzles me why you are being grilled on that. I think it's something your saying sarcasticly? about saying you've read a manual on how to kill yourself, but there's probably a reason you aren't saying that you feel like actually doing that? But if you're at your wits end isn't that what we need to say? It means they'd put you in hospital, and do you feel it wouldn't help? You know other peers in the psych system are the best to talk to and relate to in your experience. I do wish there was a place you could just meet and talk with like minded people who understand just how screwed up the mental health care system is, or that understand you and connect with you.

I think there is a place for real reasons to complain,the doctors. but I had that with my doctor a while ago and the only answer he gave was to take antipsychotics and they don't help me and cause weight gain. I did take some for a couple nights to stop my spiraling but it's not a fix for anything. It didn't give me a proper rest anyway

I couldn't really bring a dog back either, one time I had to because the landlady was bitching every time I took it outside, it couldn't make it to the lawn before it pooped. How large is it going to get, the rules are less than 20 pounds you know! I didn't let myself get attatched to it yet. So getting an older dog is good if your worried about the dog outliving you or whatever your reasons. I know what you mean when you say nobody cares. There's very few good people out there, or doctors, it is a crapshoot, you either get lucky rarely, or end up with docs or counselors who really don't care. It's the way people are these days I think, medical students probably now are totally taught nothing much of anything other than what to prescribe. I bet they'd make for horrible patients themselves. I have no good things to say to help, but being less well put together when you go might get more help. Hard to undo who we are, but I just started being more, i don't know the word, persistent, but kind of angry and flippant when being treated as a patient that's not worth getting the right help. I got a friggin 10 page thing for addiction help, after going for help in the er about 6 weeks ago. So not grilled about alcohol, but maybe for not having slept in nights I talked so slow she came to a conclusion I'm an addict on something. Made no sense. Crisis worker just said ''I'm not having you go inpatient''.... so no matter how bad we feel we have to say we'll kill ourselves or have a plan. I'm sorry.

Going inpatient would be pointless. I'm not in danger of self-harm any time soon. "At my wit's end" is how it feels at times. Thanks for understanding so well. Yes, I did say some things facetiously . . . out of frustration.

It sounds like you have been in quite a struggle yourself. I really appreciate input from you that reflects your experience. Yes, peer consumers understand a lot. I had an appointment with a psychologist. I preferred that because psychiatrists just throw drugs at the problem . . . which I didn't find helpful in the past. I do take one antidepressant. But, yeah, I went through being put on antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, etc. So much of what they do is just making believe that they are helping. The main winner is the pharmaceutical industry. Billions get spent on these drugs.