1) No and frankly I've always been a little baffled what exactly it means to say someone is/was dead. The most common definition is that the heart stops but since so many people come back from that, I don't think it makes sense to say they died. One could argue that the person would have died without medical intervention but that seems like quite a narrow definition. There are lots of other reason someone can die without medical help even before the heart stops, and on the other hand there have been known cases when the heart has restarted on its own, so... I dunno what should it mean.
2) NDE... I dunno, but I had an experience extremely close to it I think and I do think of it as such... Early this year, when I was in excruciating pain for hours until I somehow dragged myself (with help) to ER. I've been in similar pain before but that was just... Yea nothing can describe that.
There was only one thing, I think, that kept me here because I'm pretty sure my body and mind wanted to give up. And while I haven't thought of it for a few weeks, honestly even the possibility that such pain could ever occur again is enough for life to not have meaning, no matter what.
After I got back from ER and was high for a few days (from the IV painkillers) I started having flashbacks and PTSD-like symptoms regarding things from my life I'd worked so hard to leave behind. They just started flooding back. I remembered some things a child is not supposed to see, I won't get into details... Just unpleasant stuff that just reappeared 20 to 30 years later, suddenly.
And my life just... Went absolutely surreal from there. I guess it's not a coincidence I registered here around that time. The stuff that has happened to me in those last 4 months is a combination of weird (some good weird) and shit. And the shit parts are so shit I even thought I'd prefer that pain I (did not) described above to that. One day, I indeed pretty much deliberatey stopped caring about my health enough that I did end up in that kind of pain again. I dunno if I was hoping to actually die this time or 'just' wanted to occupy my mind with something else.
Either way. Maybe I did die then and this is hell already. Or some sort of pre-hell limbo. Maybe it's been not 4 months, but just a minute or eternity, I certainly can't tell the flow of time very well. Maybe I'm still in the process of dying and there has been no flow of time at all. Maybe it's something else.
There has been only one instance in my life when I felt actually alive. But, the last 4 months I've been a ghost. But unlike the movie it's the other people that aren't realizing it.
Didn't I say it's all weird? Just as I was spellchecking the above, my friend called and said he might help me out with my living situation in an interesting way. Sigh I don't understand what the hell is happening with my life. (Today I'm moving out to a temp place).
2) NDE... I dunno, but I had an experience extremely close to it I think and I do think of it as such... Early this year, when I was in excruciating pain for hours until I somehow dragged myself (with help) to ER. I've been in similar pain before but that was just... Yea nothing can describe that.
There was only one thing, I think, that kept me here because I'm pretty sure my body and mind wanted to give up. And while I haven't thought of it for a few weeks, honestly even the possibility that such pain could ever occur again is enough for life to not have meaning, no matter what.
After I got back from ER and was high for a few days (from the IV painkillers) I started having flashbacks and PTSD-like symptoms regarding things from my life I'd worked so hard to leave behind. They just started flooding back. I remembered some things a child is not supposed to see, I won't get into details... Just unpleasant stuff that just reappeared 20 to 30 years later, suddenly.
And my life just... Went absolutely surreal from there. I guess it's not a coincidence I registered here around that time. The stuff that has happened to me in those last 4 months is a combination of weird (some good weird) and shit. And the shit parts are so shit I even thought I'd prefer that pain I (did not) described above to that. One day, I indeed pretty much deliberatey stopped caring about my health enough that I did end up in that kind of pain again. I dunno if I was hoping to actually die this time or 'just' wanted to occupy my mind with something else.
Either way. Maybe I did die then and this is hell already. Or some sort of pre-hell limbo. Maybe it's been not 4 months, but just a minute or eternity, I certainly can't tell the flow of time very well. Maybe I'm still in the process of dying and there has been no flow of time at all. Maybe it's something else.
There has been only one instance in my life when I felt actually alive. But, the last 4 months I've been a ghost. But unlike the movie it's the other people that aren't realizing it.
Didn't I say it's all weird? Just as I was spellchecking the above, my friend called and said he might help me out with my living situation in an interesting way. Sigh I don't understand what the hell is happening with my life. (Today I'm moving out to a temp place).
