Last week at work I noticed a cranefly was stuck in one of the butter pans. I thought, "The poor thing, I can't just leave it there" as I saw it struggling to get out with its wings stuck in the gooey substance. I quietly and without letting others see took it outside and tried carefully to free it and hopefully clean it off a little so it could get away. In the process, one of its legs came off and I felt so sorry so I left it by some weeds outside. I had to get back inside to work, but at least it didn't die in the pan or alone, it had the cool night air.
In May of 2017 I was walking into work one morning to find a dead bird on the steps to the entrance. At the time I was still recovering from a Dec 2016 attempt. So I took a box, hiding from others what I was doing, wrapped its body in some towels, and placed it in a dumpster. In May of this year, I saw another bird the same in front of a customer's business. I thought, "I can't just leave it here with all these people walking around" So I took some rags out of the trunk, wrapped it again and put it by some flowers growing nearby. Have to get back to work.
I've done things like this throughout the years with insects and small animals, because I know what it feels like to be completely alone. Giving a struggling mouse or squirrel some food or water when others would say, "What are you doing?" But I'm no saint. I kill other bugs sometimes when they're a nuisance, I eat meat, I kill, I'm a murderer too. I hide it when I do these things especially at work because those in society would call me a weirdo, a wimp, a pu**y, or whatever label you give me for not appearing to be a 'manly' guy. I don't really care what they think, but I have to 'pretend' for survival at the same time.
Most people I come into contact with would never think of these things, nor care. What separates me from them is I do think about it, and I do care. Awareness, isn't it great? Yes, I live in a world of death, and although I try not to blame myself for this, I still struggle with that fact. Kill or be killed by something else, consume another living thing to survive, those are the rules of survival here. Survival doesn't care about empathy or consequences for others, but I do so I'm torn in separate directions. And how long can that last, how much more can I take? Time will tell.
In May of 2017 I was walking into work one morning to find a dead bird on the steps to the entrance. At the time I was still recovering from a Dec 2016 attempt. So I took a box, hiding from others what I was doing, wrapped its body in some towels, and placed it in a dumpster. In May of this year, I saw another bird the same in front of a customer's business. I thought, "I can't just leave it here with all these people walking around" So I took some rags out of the trunk, wrapped it again and put it by some flowers growing nearby. Have to get back to work.
I've done things like this throughout the years with insects and small animals, because I know what it feels like to be completely alone. Giving a struggling mouse or squirrel some food or water when others would say, "What are you doing?" But I'm no saint. I kill other bugs sometimes when they're a nuisance, I eat meat, I kill, I'm a murderer too. I hide it when I do these things especially at work because those in society would call me a weirdo, a wimp, a pu**y, or whatever label you give me for not appearing to be a 'manly' guy. I don't really care what they think, but I have to 'pretend' for survival at the same time.
Most people I come into contact with would never think of these things, nor care. What separates me from them is I do think about it, and I do care. Awareness, isn't it great? Yes, I live in a world of death, and although I try not to blame myself for this, I still struggle with that fact. Kill or be killed by something else, consume another living thing to survive, those are the rules of survival here. Survival doesn't care about empathy or consequences for others, but I do so I'm torn in separate directions. And how long can that last, how much more can I take? Time will tell.
