The demons in me tell me I have to kill myself

[MarvelFan]

I really dont want to do it, but I am pretty fucked up you guys. I was working with my worker a few days ago when he was cutting firewood with a chainsaw at a job we are doing and when I got close to him bending down picking up firewood I hoped <Mod edit - method>

I dropped off some firewood today for free at a person we know house and there was a girl that was around 4 years old next door in a white dress and I heard her say things like thats my boyfriend and <Mod edit - inappropriate content> and I heard her grandma say stop doing that and <Mod edit - inappropriate content>. I could not look over at the other house while I was dropping off the firewood.

Please help me you guys I don't know if these things are real or in my head. I really want to die. I can't live like this anymore.

I am 40 and I feel my end is coming soon I dont want to have children because I dont want my bloodline to continue. I dont want to bring a child into this world with some of the problems I am having.

I feel I need to die to put an end to this. I feel soon I am going to face darkness when I kill myself and I am somewhat ascared for it. It is maybe sooner than better that I have to go since I did so many bad things when I was younger and seen and heard so much.

 

[Hermanus]

Hi,

I need to ask and I am sorry, but do you use anything?

 

[MarvelFan]

Hi,

I need to ask and I am sorry, but do you use anything?

No I am sober all day. I hear things like my girlfriend in the morning saying "I hope you die today" and I ask her what did she just say and she say's hope you have a nice day

 

[Hermanus]

Have you seeked professional help before, or is this your first time seeking some help?

 

[Stijn]

Don't listen to the voices/demons Marvel. They are wrong. You don't deserve to die.

 

[MarvelFan]

I have heard things I am pretty sure are real. I told my dads neighbor that I dont like big dogs. I heard a few of the women at the party say that I was a POS because I dont like dogs. I was bitten in the face really bad by a great dane when I was 5. My dad had to punch it in the face to get its whole jaw unlocked over my entire face.

 

[Stijn]

Hey Marvel. Are you feeling a bit better now?

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Hi Marvel. I really hope you are at least a little better by now. @Stijn is right. Don't listen to the voices. I know you're in a very dark place right now. But I also know you've been in dark places before and you've had the strength to keep looking for the light. If I was there, I'd give you a big 'ol rabbit hug and maybe just sit with you and hold your hand until your demons quieted. But I can't be there irl. I hope you reached out to your girlfriend, to someone. I'm thinking about you.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

@MarvelFan

Im not fan of little dogs. Been bit 5 times in my life all from little dogs. So we got an opposite sized dog problem from yours. I got bit in the face by cocker spaniel. It will change my course in my life. I dont show my fear but I do joke about the ankle biters and to keep them away from me.

It sucks not knowing what is real and what isnt. What about talking to the psychiatrist and explain your reality testing is getting harder to get a lid on.

Hugs there.

 

[Walker]

HI Ryan.. just checking on you today my friend.

 

[VioletDawn]

Hi Marvel. It must be so awful to see and hear things like that. I think you need to talk to your doctor if you can and discuss your med situation if possible. From what you describe, the things you're seeing and hearing are definately not real. You are a good person who is always trying to help others. You don't deserve to be going through this. Sending a (((hug)))

 

[Petal]

I am sorry for how you are feeling. What do you feel could help ease the thoughts a little and help you feel a little better?

You have a lovely vibrant personality, don't throw all that away. You care about so many people and now its time to care for yourself.

Don't neglect your mental health. Keep reaching out further and further. Help IS out there.

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Hey! Just checking in to see how you are doing. More ((hugs)) if you want them. You are strong! Remember that. And don't forget that so many of us here care about you, ok? You can reach out to SF anytime. We'll be here for you.

 

[Lara_C]

Hi Ryan, I hope you're ok and will be looking in to see if you've checked in here. As everyone says, please don't believe these lying voices and let them bring you down by telling you bad things about yourself. You are a very kind and caring person who, despite your own problems, has given a lot of time to supporting others in distress, so tell these voices to leave you in peace and don't take anything they say as truthful because it's certainly not. You are stronger than them, so be proud of who you are, as we are. *grouphug

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Just keep fighting those demons, man. They don't know what they're talking about. I know because I have one of my own. You just have to keep battling against them. We believe in you, and we're all here to support you through this.

 

[Human Ex Machinae]

All these people wouldn't be here for you if you weren't such a good and special human being. We're all your friends. That's real, and you can believe it, Ryan.

 

[may71]

Please help me you guys

I'd like to help if I can

I did so many bad things when I was younger

Do you want to say what those things are? It sounds like mostly bad things happened to you, rather than doing bad things.

Do you think telling your medication prescriber what's going on would help?

 

[TomV2018]

I don't know if this applies to everyone but I sometimes feel like my current mood has a lot to do with what I hear from the voices. When I feel happy or hopefully their messages are less harsh and more supportive. When i feel crappy about myself the negative comments keep coming. I've read about vibration and frequency and I know it sounds hard but try to keep a positive state of mind. I hope research later supports this but realize that you are an amazing person and maybe the voices will follow suit.

 

[Sunspots]

Hey Ryan.

How are you doing? I hope you check in with us soon so we know you're safe and ok. We're all behind you.

Lu

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

So good to see you're back!