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The drawbacks of trying to stay stable

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Danialla, Jul 8, 2014.

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  1. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I have been struggling with major depression for most of my life. I have been medication compliant for the past 14 years, meaning I have taken all the medication my pdoc has rolled out, along with ECT to try to stay stable and hold down a full-time job.

    The trouble is that along with my perceived stability came an enormous weight gain and along with this weight gain and depression comes intense isolation.

    My husband called me out on it last night and I have to say I agree, but I can't seem to change. I am so tried from faking my "up" attitude, and so embarrassed by my weight gain that I come home and want to stay home. I have to cook dinner every night because my mother-in-law lives with us and does not cook. Then I go to bed just so I can cover my head with my blankets and regroup.

    I know I should exercise, go for a walk after dinner, something, but I have neither the desire nor the motivation.... I am just so tired from the stress of the day.

    I feel I push myself just to exist and I don't even WANT to exist.

    What does everyone else do? How do you stay stable and not isolated?
  2. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Well....like you I am struggling so I don't have any answers. I wanted to let you know that I feel the same way. It also sounds like your depression is still not fully treated and maybe you need to talk to your Drs about that. I have to fight with every ounce of strength I have to stay out of bed, go for a walk and otherwise occupy myself. It is hard living with depressive disorder, especially when you have side effects from the medication. I flatly refused to take one medication that I was prescribed because of the increase in appetite and pins and needles. Better drugs are out there.
    I also work full time and keep the act up. It is exhausting. Don't beat yourself up about it. You are doing incredibly well to work, cook and keep things together as you are. Be kind to yourself. What would you say to a friend if she was in your position?
    Regarding isolation I find the internet and various forums help, but because of my fatigue and health conditions I realise that I'm just not up to socialising etc. I've got stuff that I like to do on my own: reading, watching TV, going for a walk and meditation. I'm trying to make the best of being alone so much and try and see it as an opportunity to recharge my batteries for the next day. Sometimes I'm envious of others with friends and activities and parties but I also know that I find all of that literally exhausting. We're all different. Maybe if your depression were lifted you'd have the energy to join a group or take up a hobby or a class outside work but until then .......... be nice to yourself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2014
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun, medication has made me gain a great deal of weight too. But I have lost 2 stone recently by healthy dieting. I joined a slimming club, is that an option available to you? It really does help regarding motivation and encouragement. I stay stable by taking my medications correctly and when I'm down I will phone someone I can trust, if that's not available, I will use the samaritans which are great. Also, this forum and if you didn't know, there's a chatroom here too can really help a lot. I am sorry you are feeling so down.
  4. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for your replies and congratulations Petal on your loss of 2 stone...wow.

    I know there are a lot of people like me who effectively deal with their depression to please others, and then are so exhausted by that, they can't deal with anything else. I would much rather stay in my bed than do almost anything. I see the doctor tomorrow and have ECT on Friday, so I will really try to open up to the Dr. instead of my usual...."things are pretty much OK":( Thank you.
  5. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I really think that telling your Dr how things actually are will help. The standard answer of 'I'm OK/fine' isn't what you need to say. Yes, keeping up the act is exhausting. Sometimes I've thought about allowing myself to breakdown completely but I don't think it would help. That said a total breakdown at least means that you can drop the act, but maybe you can do that without completely breaking down. It was a revelation to others when I stopped smiling all of the time and allowed myself to cry. I've heard or read that depression is a disease of the strongest people...we just keep going long after others would have thrown their hands up. If the mental health system were better in the UK then maybe people like us would get the rest that we need. I just want to be looked after for a little while without feeling guilty or as if I'm letting others down. If you keep walking on a broken leg it will never heal. At least that's what it seems.
  6. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Well I did discuss my mood and fears for the future with my Dr. He was very attentive, increase the med he had decreased against by will. And said I could have ECT every 2 weeks instead of monthly.......afraid those depression hooks will get a deeper hole. Said he trusted me (I felt good) and that I was his best functioning depressed patient he has ever had. Made me feel better when he said he appreciated how hard i work at it too! Boy do I ever work hard, glad someone noticed!
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I too think that you are working incredibly hard, well done Danialla we all give you a mightily deserved pat on the back! :grouphug:

    Some food tips which might help, cos it's what I'm living by now, it's helped stop all the cravings for junk food and chocolate - you get used to it over time and the body will reject unhealthy food once it knows you're feeding it really good fuel, it will say No automatically to what's not helpful:

    First thing in the morning I take some rocket fuel - a herbal tonic recipe including jalepenos which boost the metabolism - it makes you burn calories at a faster rate - I'll PM you the recipe if you like. Followed by a hot oat smoothie - which is basically very runny porridge (not just oats) + fruit and yoghurt. I eat main meal middle of the day I know that's not possible if you're out working - but it's basically vegetables + some protein, then for the other meal - more rocket fuel as a dressing on a tin of sardines (very cheap and good) and red grapes - weird combination, but it works! Result: I've lost a stone and a half (about 8kg) and feel full of energy. I can post more details if you're keen to try - it really does help :)
  8. maybel

    maybel New Member

    Hey Danialla,
    I feel largely the same way. I can tell you what I did, it didn't cure my depression (I'm still a huge mess) but it did get me to start exercising and stop being so isolated. First, I picked some things I actually liked/wanted in my life and tried to make those a bigger part of my life.
    Then I picked some motivations - like no candy (I have a sweet tooth) until I do so much exercise. The other huge thing I did was to choose exercise I actually enjoyed. I like a challenge, personally. If you want to change the isolation, maybe get your husband to go for a walk with you? I know mine wasn't interested and was letting me be isolated until I talked to him about how important it was for me to not be so isolated.
    It sounds like you are already doing an amazing job at keeping your life stable!
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