The isolation eats at me...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Auerbach, Jul 4, 2014.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    One thing that really gets to me is this profound sense of loneliness and aloneness, to me they are different things but both of which I experience. The loneliness comes from not having any friends or seeing other anyone outside of work. I don’t even talk to anyone online. The only person who I speak to and go out with is my mother. I have really bad social anxiety so it is very difficult to hold a conversation with people or even initiate them, it does not help that I have low self esteem and am so paralyzed with anxiety and depression that surviving is the main thing that comes before socializing, but socializing does help sometimes. I just wish I didn’t depend on other people to feel any bit of relief since it is one of the few things that does take me out of my element for a moment.

    The aloneness that I feel is different from not being in contact with anyone. The aloneness feels like I am going through all this pain all by myself and that no one feels or can relate to it at all, which I know is probably not true, but it really feels like this pain is my own and not something that another person can relate to. I am going through hell all by myself and no one knows or would care or could even save me, it feels like I am solitary confinement and left there to suffer all on my own. This isolation, it makes me feel like I am all by myself in this world.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 4, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you and your pain your sadness may not be same but it is close enough that i do understand Loneliness hurts so much I am glad you are talking here ok You are not alone when you come here you are heard hugs
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    in life, the reality is we all need each other, going on alone is impossible. I relate to a lot of what you just said, I have generalized anxiety, social phobias and depression. The person I talk to and go out with is my mom also. But I'm trying to force myself out anyways...today I went to the movies by myself...it is stressful, I had a mini panic attack but I keep at it and so it's slowly better...

    I used to be isolated for 6 years, now I'm just tired of that. Try small, go to a coffee shop on the same day/hour every week, or join a group, or forum? Like a movie forum or music forum? or if you like art, join deviant art and comment on the arts you like and see the responses...baby steps, and even if you panic, keep at it...it's okay to fail, just keep at it and eventually you'll win...
     
  4. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I agree, we live in a world where love and understanding is crucial for our survival. Good job in going to the movies even if it was by yourself. I've gone to the movies by myself a lot of times. Did you get to go to one of the meetup groups? You mentioned it in a previous post.

    I have stuck to the forums for five years out of pure loneliness and even though I did meet people through them I think i've reach my limit, I think i need to get out into the world and try there but am having no luck. Maybe i can try different forums like you mentioned since the only forums I've been on were ones about mental illness and support. I am tired of looking at a computer screen every day as my only hope for understanding and comfort, it doesn't work like it used to. I feel both lonely in real life and online, that why it is so brutal. My one best friend passed away this past September and ever since then I've had very little contact with anyone besides my mother.

    The only thing that sometimes helps is being at work, it takes me out of my element and helps me socialize and be around people, funny enough since I don't want to go to work many days and think about quitting sometimes, but then I really would be alone.
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    not yet, the meetup group I chose is learning japanese, and it's on tuesdays, but this tuesday was canada day so it was closed. I'm actually already stressing about it. I stress days before any appointment, I try to tell myself to calm down, that it's going to be okay like most times etc...but I still stress out.

    yeah I totally understand, there comes a point where you need physical meetings, to look into someone's eyes, to hear their voice etc...do you like arts? maybe you could find a class, or maybe you psy could help you find a place to socialize? like a group thing? group therapy? that way you can meet people and talk with them etc...I mean if you get too stressed out you can always excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and just leave...

    sometimes there are discussion groups that you can attend, you don't have to voice your opinion but at least you're socializing, you can say hi, how are you? nice weather etc...sometimes that opens the conversation and you can make a new friend...

    I think the hardest thing is to find these places, and then the second hard thing is to attend them...I am really hoping I won't change my mind because of the stress of going to that free course...I know I'll have panic attacks, but I need to keep going...
     
  6. cole624

    cole624 Member

    @morning rush boku no nihongo o warui desu. demo, nihongo o sukoshi hanashimasu,
     
  7. kimkardash

    kimkardash New Member

    You're definitely not alone. I'm sitting in a dark room all by myself and crying myself to sleep as usual. I don't really have any friends or a companion or anything like that. It hurts I know.
     
  8. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Hey Auerbach and kimkardash, neither of you are alone. I know that it feels like it. But behind each post is a real person who cares enough to respond. That's the great thing about this forum. It can also give you the tools and confidence to be able to get back into the real world. You know it's a matter of making that first move, finding a group or a class and then going for the first time. Good luck. You know you can do it. :butterfly5:
     
  9. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks K8E. Kim, I hope you get better.
     
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