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The world is not a fair place

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#1
There are just so much things out of my control. Like my genetics (my looks, health and intelligence), the country I was born in, my family members and their wealth status. And it' just sucks that I will have to suffer all of my life for something that isn't really my fault. What do you think about it?
 

Sunspots

To Wish Impossible Things
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
You're right, the world is not a fair place. Some people are naturally beautiful looking while most aren't. Some people are born into wealthy, privileged families while most aren't and many are born into poverty. Some people have supportive families while others don't. Some extremely lucky people are born into wealthy and supportive families and grow up to be supermodels. It's life and it's not fair.

But most people actually do have control over most aspects of their life or at least the capacity to gain control given time.

You're correct that the genetic code and markers you are born with are out of your control but that doesn't mean you have no control over how they impact your life. We know so much more about health now than in the past so we can use that knowledge to counteract family predispositions to certain illnesses. We can implement lifestyle changes and screening if necessary. We may not like our looks - I've struggled since an early age with mine and probably always will but there are things we can do to improve how we see ourselves. We may even inherit family traits as far as our appearance goes but even these are not impossible to rectify if we're determined enough. Intelligence? Most people have something they're good at, the key is in identifying it and working at it. And nobody is ever too old to keep learning.

Yeah sure, you have no control over the country you were born in or who your family members are and how much money they've got. But you may be able to move countries. If your family members are causing you harm you have the choice to walk away from them.

It's not easy, nobody would ever say it is. Sometimes some of these things will seem impossible and probably we'll never be able to achieve everything we want (or think we want).

So what is it, specifically, that you want to change? Maybe there are some ideas we can come up with that might help.
 
#3
There are just so much things out of my control
Yes, but there's also a lot of things that are in your control.

You're young, and you have a lot of possibilities still before you. Optimism and a sense of gratitude for what you do have can go a long way. In some cases, it's just not possible, or counterproductive to cultivate these attitudes, but if you can, they can make life better.

You might want try reading about CBT.

Your English is good, that's something you've got going for you.

Not sure if any of that helps, but I hope so
 
#4
You're right, the world is not a fair place. Some people are naturally beautiful looking while most aren't. Some people are born into wealthy, privileged families while most aren't and many are born into poverty. Some people have supportive families while others don't. Some extremely lucky people are born into wealthy and supportive families and grow up to be supermodels. It's life and it's not fair.

But most people actually do have control over most aspects of their life or at least the capacity to gain control given time.

You're correct that the genetic code and markers you are born with are out of your control but that doesn't mean you have no control over how they impact your life. We know so much more about health now than in the past so we can use that knowledge to counteract family predispositions to certain illnesses. We can implement lifestyle changes and screening if necessary. We may not like our looks - I've struggled since an early age with mine and probably always will but there are things we can do to improve how we see ourselves. We may even inherit family traits as far as our appearance goes but even these are not impossible to rectify if we're determined enough. Intelligence? Most people have something they're good at, the key is in identifying it and working at it. And nobody is ever too old to keep learning.

Yeah sure, you have no control over the country you were born in or who your family members are and how much money they've got. But you may be able to move countries. If your family members are causing you harm you have the choice to walk away from them.

It's not easy, nobody would ever say it is. Sometimes some of these things will seem impossible and probably we'll never be able to achieve everything we want (or think we want).

So what is it, specifically, that you want to change? Maybe there are some ideas we can come up with that might help.
You're right, the world is not a fair place. Some people are naturally beautiful looking while most aren't. Some people are born into wealthy, privileged families while most aren't and many are born into poverty. Some people have supportive families while others don't. Some extremely lucky people are born into wealthy and supportive families and grow up to be supermodels. It's life and it's not fair.

But most people actually do have control over most aspects of their life or at least the capacity to gain control given time.

You're correct that the genetic code and markers you are born with are out of your control but that doesn't mean you have no control over how they impact your life. We know so much more about health now than in the past so we can use that knowledge to counteract family predispositions to certain illnesses. We can implement lifestyle changes and screening if necessary. We may not like our looks - I've struggled since an early age with mine and probably always will but there are things we can do to improve how we see ourselves. We may even inherit family traits as far as our appearance goes but even these are not impossible to rectify if we're determined enough. Intelligence? Most people have something they're good at, the key is in identifying it and working at it. And nobody is ever too old to keep learning.

Yeah sure, you have no control over the country you were born in or who your family members are and how much money they've got. But you may be able to move countries. If your family members are causing you harm you have the choice to walk away from them.

It's not easy, nobody would ever say it is. Sometimes some of these things will seem impossible and probably we'll never be able to achieve everything we want (or think we want).

So what is it, specifically, that you want to change? Maybe there are some ideas we can come up with that might help.
Thanks for replying. Well, I always wanted to change my face (by plastic surgery) and move to other country. But for me the looks problem is really harsh. I just so tired of being ugly and all of this shit that comes with it.
 

Aurelia

I'm. Not. Like. You. I. Just. Fuck. Up.
#5
Thanks for replying. Well, I always wanted to change my face (by plastic surgery) and move to other country. But for me the looks problem is really harsh. I just so tired of being ugly and all of this shit that comes with it.
Looks are a very relative thing. A lot of people are superficial and reject people based solely on their looks, but not all people are like that. And not everyone is going to think that you're ugly or unattractive.
 

Sunspots

To Wish Impossible Things
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
Thanks for replying. Well, I always wanted to change my face (by plastic surgery) and move to other country. But for me the looks problem is really harsh. I just so tired of being ugly and all of this shit that comes with it.
Since I was a young teenager I have been fixated one one aspect of my appearance that I couldn't stand. There were others but this was the main one. In my head, my appearance would be vastly improved by a fairly small surgery (as far as cosmetic surgeries go). But I was never in a financial position to be able to afford it without it impacting other, more important financial obligations. I've spent over 30 years with it having a pretty massive impact on my self confidence. A few years ago, my aunty died and left me a little bit of money. It was just enough for me to have the operation I'd been wanting for so long. I made an appointment with a surgeon and went along for the consultation where he told me he could improve it greatly. But then he said "I've got to ask you though, why do you want xxxxx done when your nose is so obviously what needs sorting first?"

I'd never thought my nose was horrible. As far as I was concerned, it was a pretty unremarkable nose. I wondered if it was a sales tactic to get me to have more surgery, but there were other surgeries that to me would have been a more obvious choice. It made me realise how differently we all view each other. If he hated my nose but I didn't mind it could it be possible that I was being self conscious over something that nobody else ever even noticed?
So I didn't have the surgery and went on an amazing holiday instead.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#8
Mother nature is never fair. Life is never fair. We have to use the deck of cards that has been dealt with us. Use it to our advantage. Some might have more better cards but they still can mess up their cards and lose big time while we can catch a break and trade a better set of cards at the first opportunity @LoserForever2099

I like this thread. Reminds me where I come from and how far I have made it in face of prejudice and adversity. Thank you for making this thread.
 
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