I struggle so much and probably rely too heavily on my therapist as it is. She has health issues and is finding herself in need of taking a leave of absence. This was unexpected and I'm lost. I don't want a 'fill in' because I have been to so many therapists and she's the first to listen. It has taken over three years just to get to where we are. I can't and won't start over. I honestly don't know how long she'll be out and I dread the idea of her not coming back to work ever
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Therapist is ill
- Thread starter Leesa
- Start date
This must be incredibly distressing and frustrating for you.
Unfortunately, it does seem like you won’t have any choice in this matter, this loss of control must also be really hard to deal with.
I suppose the best advice, though probably the hardest to follow, is to tackle this head on and get out there and start looking for a new therapist. At least you now know what kind of therapist you want and that they do exist, hopefully that will mean the search will be much easier and quicker this time.
I really hope you can find another great therapist that meets your needs, I’m sure that another one must exist.
In the meantime, perhaps you can just try and think, what would my therapist say and try and think back on how they have helped you in the past and what they would say now.
Unfortunately, it does seem like you won’t have any choice in this matter, this loss of control must also be really hard to deal with.
I suppose the best advice, though probably the hardest to follow, is to tackle this head on and get out there and start looking for a new therapist. At least you now know what kind of therapist you want and that they do exist, hopefully that will mean the search will be much easier and quicker this time.
I really hope you can find another great therapist that meets your needs, I’m sure that another one must exist.
In the meantime, perhaps you can just try and think, what would my therapist say and try and think back on how they have helped you in the past and what they would say now.
Well, I've probably been to about 25 in my life and this is the first that I really felt heard me. I can't go through another generic 25. I don't have the time or energy to be diagnosed with different disorders I don't have. Normally I just get something like "I've never encountered anyone like you so I don't know how to help.' then they'll suggest some nonsense like taking a soothing bath because that's going to resolve 40+ years of pain? 🙄
Sorry to hear this. I've gone through a few (private) therapists in my time - the first one lasted 6 years then decided not to be a therapist any more. The day after my last session with her my life fell apart in a big way but I couldn't talk to her any more. Nobody ever really got me like her, I had another therapist, then another, but the last one kind of just ghosted me at short notice (think her life or health fell apart due to pandemic) and I haven't gone back to therapy since, but I've kind of got a bit more self sufficient now. I hope you can find another one that hears you and am sorry your therapist is ill, unfortutely this does happen - they get ill, move, retire, retrain, as they are just human too but sucks when you lose a good one.
She intends to keep working once she gets in a better spot. She has a disability and is experiencing complications. Not sure of the gravity but it's not my business. This is to take care of herself so she can be better able to focus on her clients. We just don't know how long. 4 weeks, 8 weeks, 6 months? Or God forbid she doesn't get better. It just doesn't make sense to start another therapist for 4 weeks. It's hard to get in as it is and I don't even know what I'd say because I'm not there for permanent help.
It’s a dilemma, like you say it’s not worth it if it’s just 4 weeks but it could be much longer or even permanently, if it is long term then finding one sooner is better but if it’s short term it could be wasted effort. It’s totally impossible to predict the future and know what the best thing to do is.
When I’m faced with such a situation I try to first accept that whatever I do the outcome is not going to be good, then I will try and weigh up the options and go for whatever the least bad outcome is. The thing I try and remind myself is that, doing nothing is an option and I can consider it, but I should do so fairly with the other options and not just fall into it by not making a decision.
You could tell the temporary therapist exactly what you’ve told us, about how your current therapist is taking a break for their health and that there is uncertainty about how long it will last and you have seen a lot of therapists and she is the only one that you have felt has truly listened to you. It would be slightly ironic to get a therapist to give you therapy about finding a therapist, but if that is the issue troubling you at the time then why not.
When I’m faced with such a situation I try to first accept that whatever I do the outcome is not going to be good, then I will try and weigh up the options and go for whatever the least bad outcome is. The thing I try and remind myself is that, doing nothing is an option and I can consider it, but I should do so fairly with the other options and not just fall into it by not making a decision.
You could tell the temporary therapist exactly what you’ve told us, about how your current therapist is taking a break for their health and that there is uncertainty about how long it will last and you have seen a lot of therapists and she is the only one that you have felt has truly listened to you. It would be slightly ironic to get a therapist to give you therapy about finding a therapist, but if that is the issue troubling you at the time then why not.
I honestly don't have time for any of this. It is all the energy I have to work and then I have doctor appointments on my days off. I work weekends.
I'm supposed to touch base with her Thursday to see what she has decided for the time being. She gave me some names for therapists but she doesn't know any of them.
I'm supposed to touch base with her Thursday to see what she has decided for the time being. She gave me some names for therapists but she doesn't know any of them.
I talked to her today on the phone. She sees a specialist next week and then she's going to call me Thursday to let me know what they say. She is concerned about me. She wants to continue working but doesn't know what her limitations will be. I said I didn't think I wanted to find a new person even if she couldn't work anymore. I am just tired of repeating myself. There is no 'goal'. I used to have goals now it's just survival until I die, whether that be out of my hands or by my own hand.
She is now doing better but I'm once again contemplating quitting. It's just become a place to vent. I like her and I'd miss her, but I don't have the energy to keep doing something that doesn't work. I don't mean just her. I mean therapy forever. She's been the best one I've had but I can't be helped. I spent today contemplating different methods of suicide. I wanted to pick up around the house but I can't function. Medications, like therapy, don't help. There's no point.
There are so many different types of therapy out there. It's a matter of finding the modality that works for you. A few examples are: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Internal Family Systems, Family Systems, EMDR, Art Therapy, Music Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Emotional Freedom Technique, Compassion-Focused Therapy, etc. Many therapists combine various modalities in their practice if they are a generalist, or specific ones if they are a specialist. It depends on what mental health concerns bring you to treatment. Please don't give up on yourself, okay? It's a matter of finding the right therapy modality that works for you. Also, something to consider is the kind of clinician you're working with. A registered clinical psychologist will approach treatment slightly different from, let's say, a registered clinical social worker, though there will be overlap between the two. Please see the links below regarding the types of therapy available & how to find a good therapist. Oh, & one more thing. All therapists offer a free 15- or 30-minute phone consultation to explore with you if they'd be a good fit for you or not. I hope this helps.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/types-of-therapy
https://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/approaches
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/07/02/1185661348/start-therapy-find-therapist-how-to
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/types-of-therapy
https://www.apa.org/topics/psychotherapy/approaches
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/07/02/1185661348/start-therapy-find-therapist-how-to
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I've also found that just because therapists say they practice EMDR or CBT does not mean they are actively practicing that or have in depth training. I've done phone interviews and didn't follow through with one because she didn't even know where she was located or what insurance she accepted. I can't tell you how much effort I've put into therapy only to be told 'I'm sure there are other people like you, I just don't know them' to 'You're a very nice person, but I can't help you'.
There is NO help. I'm f***ing exhausted. I hate the way I look, I hate that I work but am too broke to do anything -- I am in a completely different socioeconomic class than anyone I know.
I finally found a place to get a will done, which has to go on a credit card. I sign on Thursday. At least that gives me a little more freedom. I haven't killed myself because I don't want to fail. I'm unsuccessful at pretty much everything so why should that be different? Last night I played around with some ideas but don't think they'd work. Obviously can't go into detail per rules. I am all alone and the only person who would know I was missing is my therapist. But, that wouldn't be until the time came and I missed an appointment. Work would notice after a few days I hadn't clocked in but they wouldn't send anyone.
Truly, if I went missing, no one would know. This is not an exaggeration.
There is NO help. I'm f***ing exhausted. I hate the way I look, I hate that I work but am too broke to do anything -- I am in a completely different socioeconomic class than anyone I know.
I finally found a place to get a will done, which has to go on a credit card. I sign on Thursday. At least that gives me a little more freedom. I haven't killed myself because I don't want to fail. I'm unsuccessful at pretty much everything so why should that be different? Last night I played around with some ideas but don't think they'd work. Obviously can't go into detail per rules. I am all alone and the only person who would know I was missing is my therapist. But, that wouldn't be until the time came and I missed an appointment. Work would notice after a few days I hadn't clocked in but they wouldn't send anyone.
Truly, if I went missing, no one would know. This is not an exaggeration.