have lived with depression all my life, I am in my sixties now. I have had suicidal episodes ,too many of them. For reasons i would prefer not to go into the last 4-5 years have been the worst ever I was either suicidal or extremely depressed . i thought this was it nothing would change, i was never going to come out of this deep depression. I am here today to say ,I did come out of it and am now the happiest I have ever been. Of course I still live with depression but now it is at the back of my mind not at the forefront ,not overwhelming me and making me feel hopeless. Over two and a half years I had therapy and support. The therapy has helped me cope with the depression , further therapy helped me to understand the sources of the depression , and all the help and support showed me how to move forward. You can't deal with depression alone but with the right help and support there is a way to live with it without it taking over. There is hope for all of us. Accept that you are a depressive if you have lived all your life with it. for some people it is just a one off and then you need help to get through it. If like me it is a lifelong thing, accept it and get help to show you how to cope with it. Suicide is not an answer, I know I have tried too many times and each time I failed it just made me feel hopeless because I couldn't even do that right. There are options ,there are people to help you, if you have therapy then work with the therapist, give it 100% effort no matter how hard it is, even when you feel it is doing nothing keep at it ,listen to your therapist. You can do it. if your doctors feel you need medication take it and give it a chance to work, sometimes the initial side effects are far from good ,but think about it if you had an infection would you refuse antibiotics even if they had an unfortunate affect on your bowels ? You know that doesn't last long and neither do the side effects of anti depressants. There is hope for everyone, no matter how bad you feel, how hopeless it all feels , when you just can't see a way out -there is always a better way than suicide. things can work out, it will be hard but you can regain your life and be happy again.