There's a point at which nothing matters anymore..

[w0lf]

I don't really know anymore. I don't knew what to do. I've been depressed since I was 14. (I'm 17 now). I've had on and off feelings of suicide for the past year or so. The only way I've gotten through it is cutting and drugs. I don't cut very often, because I try to restrain myself. But when I do cut, i makes hundreds at a time. As for the drugs, i don't do super hard drugs, at least I don't think. (Weed, acid, molly, cocaine, bars, alcohol, and stolen morphine and hydrocodone from my mother). People say I have a drug problem, and how can I deny it. I mean I want to but I know it's true. The only girl that I would've done anything for, I gave up for drugs. Not because I didn't love her, but because drugs have control over my life. I mean, I have my virginity to her. Which might not be a big deal to some people but it did to me. And now she dumped me because of drugs, it's been about a month and a half, and I don't know how much longer I can go on. Everyday I wake up loathing it. Wishing I didn't have to wake up. In addition to the drugs and self harming, I have serious self confidence abs self worth issues. I normally don't like to talk about any of this to anyone but right now I'm just looking for someone who can commit time to talk to me and keep me going, since when my ex broke up with me, they all decided to hang out with her instead of me. Who can blame them. I wouldn't want to hang out with a drug head either. So basically I'm just stuck in my thoughts, and my one friend who is the person I do all my drugs with. We share duds and cigarettes etc. But, i just don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm just looking for someone to hold me up, which is why I feel like I need a girlfriend. I need affection and a companion. But that can't happen if I can't even talk to girls. I'm too afraid to be shut down, which would ruin my confidence, what's left of it. I'm to afraid to bed shut down because it might cause more self harm. I'm hanging by a thread here. Nothing seems to make me happy but drugs. Over the weekend, I popped a total of 4 and a half bars over a 24 hour period. (People say it's dangerous to pop more than one at a time.) I'm not even sure I'm going to graduate this year. Everyone says I'm smart and just too lazy to do the work, but people say that to everyone. I don't believe I'm smart, I believe I'm a drug head depressed suicidal teenager. But, like I said, no I've here probably wants to commit time to hold me up because I'm probably not worth your time, and you guys probably have problems if your own to deal with.. I wish I could add more to this, but I'm sitting in school right now about to head off to first period. Thanks for your time to anyone who read all of this.

 

[total eclipse]

YOU do need help and now ok Talk to someone at your school a councilor get into drug treatment so you can get on a different path one that is more positive
You will not succeed if you chose the drugs you just won't YOU are 17 don't wait until you are unable to beat the addictions get the treatment now get help now so your future will be brighter

 

[fosty]

It's a big step admitting to yourself you've got a drug problem. You need to go to a councillor or a GP and say the same thing. You need to not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help

 

[W Miller]

Well, I'll leave this as my last posting here.

I really wish you the best of luck on fighting/beating your addictions, because you are still so young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Take is from me, its sucks to look back when its far too late and wish you could turn back the hands of time.

Best wishes.

 

[w0lf]

I actually go to a counselor and I tell her everything but she is more of a best friend to me, she tells me not to do drugs but we just talk. She's more of a best friend then a counselor

 

[fosty]

have you asked her for help getting off the drugs?