Saria, you sound quite young and I'm sure part of having a boyfriend is social pressure and partly your own natural urges as you grow older and look for a 'mate'. It will happen one day, but its not a race - and I'm sure you could attend to other areas of your life which will bring you more confidence, education and so on.
But even so, the happiest times I've had were being single. Even now, I like my own space and don't envy my buddies who are working round the clock raising a child and maybe not even 100% sure on the women they are with! Even with love - you still have to spend a fair few years before you know someone 100%. People change also - so you hope you change in ways which are compatible.
As for your insight on dating sites Saria - you are spot on. I guess the guys who join up looking for a genuine romance exist - but all the men I know on these sites - are all bragging about in the local pub! Its like a competition! Each week the latest 'victim' is lured into the pub/club - the fellow internet daters are there to back each other up with lies - because its not just single guys doing this.
I've never had a blind date - I've always dated sighted ladies - but I'm not prejudiced.
As for depression and love - of course there are times when love is the drug you need. IF a medication off the doctors actually endowed you with the sense of optimism which comes when you love someone. That would be some drug! When its the real thing - it makes cocaine seem silly in comparison.
The danger is, more so for women than men, that depression will be picked up on and used by men. Someone I know who is a total cad - a womaniser of the worse ilk - imparted some 'advice' to me.
Never go for a women who has her head together, says he.
There is some sense in that - not the advice to romance women who might be vulnerable and more likely to believe a lying man - the advice is that any women who has depression, or any man, would be better off choosing a mate when they are feeling confidence of sorts.
Every time I used to get drunk and high on illegal things - I'd 'choose' a woman, convinced that I was seeing clearly and had a great insight into the human character. Or someone would choose me - taking advantage of my drunken state. There are women who prey in the local pubs and clubs also. I'm not making a moral judgement - but I got to say that in a certain state of mind I'm not a good judge of women.
For most people, finding someone to love is easier in your own community. After all, even if you just fancied someone by sight - you have the precaution of being able to ask around, discreetly, as to the nature of the person.
Same with work or college.
Anyhow, don't worry so much, I'm sure you are pretty attractive - and as for your femininity, maybe you dress like a tomboy or something - many women do these days. Far be it from me to advise any women - but are there any women you know who you might ask advice about hair style, make up, clothes and other things women know about? You have not yet discovered this POWER of femininity which every women has. you might think no man has ever noticed you but I'll wager you are way out on that!
What attracts a man is not what makes him stay though. That is about your mind, personality and social skills you have. You come across as an intelligent young lady - which helps a lot - because it will help you make the right choice.
Last but not least, it is a pity your sister does not understand depression - but you should tell her that what you have is a medical condition, biological in nature and British scientists are confident they will be mapping its presence in DNA as well as Canadian ones (and others) mapping out the regions of the brain in which certain processes, chemical, electrical, biological, actually have a great influence on our thought processes and can make people feel depressed.
Perhaps when people are wearing pacemakers for depression - correcting things via a low electrical charge to some area of the brain, people will say "Oh,right, so it IS true"
(they already are wearing them!)
Here's something from way back in 2005....
"Fitting patients with a brain pacemaker could switch off hard-to-treat depression, believe UK experts.
The technology, already used to treat Parkinson's disease, uses wires and a battery source to stimulate deep parts of the brain with electric currents.
As well as helping depressed patients who have failed on all other therapies, it might also be helpful for treating obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
UK neurologists said they planned to test this after promising US trials. BBC source here
The 'attention' you might seem to crave more than her, is just the nature of depression in which we try to reach out to others, and often are stuck in some situation whereby what we feel is seen as something we bring on ourselves!
But be aware that you have an obligation, as much as you can, to try and not let this depression spill over into negativity. Be aware many people do not understand depression - sometimes those suffering are unaware of the actual science behind it. It is actually quite simple as most people understand the effect of certain chemicals on the brain.
To explain depression, ask someone how it feels when they confront a certain phobia or fear. Dogs, wasps, spiders, the dark, heights, dentists and whatever. Depression is like having that fear turned on and off at will - with the exception being that our fear is like a fear of life itself at its worse.
You would not wish this on your worse enemy - much less actually just bring it on yourself to seek attention.
I hope you can get on with your sister. I do with mine but they are older now and know a lot about depression with their own line of work.
Good luck - and remember, your usually doing something else when you find love - its usually always accidental in a way - you meet a friend from way back, get a tip on some job, get the job, someone else gets the job through a series of coincidences also. your eyes meet.... (leave rest to imagination)
Keep busy when you feel good and try to even if you do not. A routine helps - education is a good one, maybe work also. Anywhere you go has a potential for meeting someone - and don't forget, often as not when we are out, at a party or anywhere socially, we usually like to know someone by sight as it makes for a kind of connection which you can work on.
I have no doubt that if you dressed up nicely, were clean and of a pleasant nature. Your hair washed, a touch of make up - NO WAY would any young men not notice you.
Its the power of femininity see - you think you ain't got it, but you have the power to break hearts no doubt.
Still, thankfully I'm way too old for you - so my heart is safe - but younger men out there, whoever you eventually end up with, you'll leave a few behind also.
Best of luck - and tell your sister about the pacemaker. she will think your nuts but maybe she will see the BBC as perhaps sane, or at least very careful in what they publish. This is way back in 2005, volunteers were being sought - I know its happening now in Canada with similar trials - maybe other places.
We are coming to a time when mental illness will be cured before it is understood by most people.
I can live with that.
I'll end on that hopeful note.
See you, heart-breaker!
s to everyone* ^^