Things went all wrong so quickly

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Phobos, Mar 16, 2012.

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  1. Phobos

    Phobos New Member

    Sorry in advance; this is kind of long and rambling, and I'm new here.
    I have a lot of social problems; I get somewhat nervous sometimes, and things like that.
    Well, my girlfriend pretty much changed all that while we were together; we were together for almost two years, and I legitimately love her. Even though we don't have all the same interests, I still wouldn't want to be with anyone else.
    First, our best friend was in a rut, so we were spending all of our time helping him feel better. But during this, we couldn't be a couple around him or he'd be more upset, since it'd remind him why he was upset. So, for several weeks it was like I didn't even have a girlfriend. Then I got depressed because of it, and said friend started feeling better and stealing my thunder; getting words in before I could, drawing everyone's attention, and all that.
    Then a month ago, she broke up with me. She said she felt like I needed to learn who I was, and more or less grow up. Not in as mean a way as that sounds.
    Then, not even two weeks later, my best friend starts making moves on her. I confronted him, and he tried to tell me he wasn't, because he didn't want to "lose our friendship". I told him my ex told me herself, and he never responded back since then.
    So now, I don't really have anyone. The few people I have left never have the time to spend with me, and I've gotten to the point where I feel completely alone and isolated and scared every night. I can't really sleep anymore, and all I want to do is feel her again.
    On top of all of this, I have a condition called Meniere's Disease, where I have a faulty balance nerve. Because of it, I couldn't keep my job, and I need this new job to pay for the therapy sessions I just started today. But now, it looks like I'm going to have to have the surgery fairly soon, which will involve removing a section of my skull, and about eight weeks of rehabilitation.
    I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of being sick, and sometimes I just want to let myself bleed to death. But even through it all, I can't even bring myself to cry, even though I want to; for some reason, I just can't. And I want to hurt myself, but I don't even know why, and it would hurt others too much for me to do it.
    I don't know what to do. I'm miserable, and all I want is her back, but it's just not going to happen.
     
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Hi Will. Welcome to SF.

    That's a lot to be struggling with all at once. Please remember to take care of yourself, okay? Be safe. If you need to talk to someone but don't feel comfortable with anyone you know personally, you can always call crisis line. Help is available if you need it. You are not alone.
     
  3. Phobos

    Phobos New Member

    It's usually not so bad in the daytime. But once night hits, everything comes crumbling down, and I can't stand this. I feel like my skin is wrong on my body.
     
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    I know. One hour at a time. Try to think small. Think short term.

    The therapy you mentioned, did you mean for your Meniere's or for depression? If the former, do you think you would be okay bringing up some of this with your physician? They should know, especially so if you're potentially having surgery soon.

    Please take care. :hug:
     
  5. Phobos

    Phobos New Member

    I had my first day of psychiatric therapy today. I like my doctor, but I don't know where to start. My first thing to work on is sleep scheduling, but I just can't even really sleep anymore. I finally just broke down and cried for a while just now, but I don't feel any better for it.
    As for the surgery, it wasn't a scary thought when I had her, but now it's terrifying because I have to do all of it almost entirely by myself. I'm tired of being alone, and unhappy, and the broken, sickly person people don't want to be bothered with.
     
  6. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you had a good first impression of your doc. Try not to worry about how to approach therapy, that's your therapist's job. Just try to be honest. That's all you can do. Don't hide things from them unless strictly necessary. The clearer picture of your problems they have, the more effective they will be in helping.

    hang on. The sun will rise tomorrow, promise promise.
     
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