About ten years ago I lost my father. He killed himself to save us from the lifestyle he could provide, which wasn't a good one. Everyone in my family took it differently. Some became drug addicts, some alcoholics, or they did what my mother did and ran away from the truth. Me? I pretended it never happened until it all welled inside and exploded. The result was years of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. My brothers were put into different homes when I was young, shortly after my dad committed suicide. That was mainly because my mother thought it would be a good idea to leave her children for her boyfriend. After that I refused to make friends because I assumed they would all leave me. The only one I've trusted is my brother. But lately he's been drowning in his own problems and refuses to talk about them. So he's cut himself off from the rest of the world, including me. With out someone on my side I suddenly feel like the world is closing in on me. I have been diagnosed with many mental illnesses, many of which are genetic, but I've managed just fine until recently. I've been seeing a therapist for awhile, and she's helped a lot. But she was just admitted into the hospital and will be out of work for a while. So once again, I feel like I'm all alone. I'm not sure what to do, I can't get out of the hole I've dug for myself. Not to mention it seems that everyone around me seems content to keep shoving me back down just when I manage to stand up again. They refuse to hear me out and they blame me as if I actually had a hand in all of this. I'm not sure how I can stay positive in an environment like this.