I am at the point in my life where I am indecisive in what to do in life. Do I keep going on, is there really a point to it? Do I want to die, is there any point to that? Every night I ask myself, "why am I still alive"? Every night I try to cope with the pain as best as I could. Every night I dream of what my life could have been, what my life should have been, only to end up waking to this silent mockery of a life. I have been like this with little if any change in a span of a decade and a half and I'm just so fed up with it. I don't deserve this, and I don't know how to get out of this situation. I really don't have an answer, my past have been extremely ugly, my present is pretty much the same without the bloodshed, and my future is very grim. I cry every night knowing the fact that death mean game over but life is so hard to live.