I'm a pedophile and I want to die. I really don't know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to. I'm always worried that I may hurt a child. I've been having these thoughts for about two years I thought they would go away at first but they never did. it honestly just pains me to live at this point. I'm going to therapy but that is going to be at least two months idk anymore.
Practical Advice This may be offensive but I'm desperate :/
- Thread starter In-advance
- Start date
Hi. This is an extremely contentious subject but no-one on the forum will reject you because of the way you are feeling. To address the issue we must first separate being a pedophile and child abuse.
I want to preface this with the following - you probably aren't, especially considering your age, a pedophile, you are probably suffering with POCD. POCD (link, link, link) is a relatively common disorder where an individual obsesses over whether they may be a pedophile and they may suffer intrusive thoughts related to the subject. The fact you are "worried that I may hurt a child" is a classic symptom. Obviously, I'm not your therapist or doctor and I can't make any sort of diagnosis but I would wager there is a high chance you are actually suffering with POCD. Have you ever dealt with OCD or other mental health issues before?
I could be wrong and there is a small chance you could be a pedophile. In this case, there is treatment and help out there for you and this doesn't, in it's essence, make you a terrible person. Just because I'm attracted to an individual or a group of individuals doesn't mean I'm going to assault anyone nor does it mean I will commit a crime. You can cope with this and suicide isn't your only option.
It's really good you are seeing a therapist about this. I hope you feel better soon.
I want to preface this with the following - you probably aren't, especially considering your age, a pedophile, you are probably suffering with POCD. POCD (link, link, link) is a relatively common disorder where an individual obsesses over whether they may be a pedophile and they may suffer intrusive thoughts related to the subject. The fact you are "worried that I may hurt a child" is a classic symptom. Obviously, I'm not your therapist or doctor and I can't make any sort of diagnosis but I would wager there is a high chance you are actually suffering with POCD. Have you ever dealt with OCD or other mental health issues before?
I could be wrong and there is a small chance you could be a pedophile. In this case, there is treatment and help out there for you and this doesn't, in it's essence, make you a terrible person. Just because I'm attracted to an individual or a group of individuals doesn't mean I'm going to assault anyone nor does it mean I will commit a crime. You can cope with this and suicide isn't your only option.
It's really good you are seeing a therapist about this. I hope you feel better soon.
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I'm sorry you have to wait, it must be frustrating. There are a few sites out there, pretty easy to find with some google searches, but this one seems the most current - though of course don't think for a second you can't be here also - but the more help the better.
I also think @KindaOtiose's reply is very valuable - you might not be a pedophile, see what therapy has to say about it when it comes, but just know that there are places to support you online no matter what the diagnosis.
I also think @KindaOtiose's reply is very valuable - you might not be a pedophile, see what therapy has to say about it when it comes, but just know that there are places to support you online no matter what the diagnosis.
Hello and welcome to the forum.
At 16, our bodies are changing, our feelings are changing, hormones are taking over, if you can try and get a sooner appointment or ask them to fill you in on a cancellation that would be fantastic or seek another service. There's a huge difference between thinking and doing. You say you fear you may hurt a child, what can YOU do to prevent that from happening? Are you in the mindset that you're better off dead than hurting a child? Please tell someone in real life if you have not already. I'm not in your mind and i'm not going nor am I here to judge you but please tell someone you trust. SF is here for you. I would even help you as much as I possibly could 'cos I cannot imagine the fear and anxiousness of being in your shoes. Keep posting okay? We're here to listen. I'm hoping for you that this is a phase of some sort and you will grow out of it after or during therapy and live a happy normal life.
At 16, our bodies are changing, our feelings are changing, hormones are taking over, if you can try and get a sooner appointment or ask them to fill you in on a cancellation that would be fantastic or seek another service. There's a huge difference between thinking and doing. You say you fear you may hurt a child, what can YOU do to prevent that from happening? Are you in the mindset that you're better off dead than hurting a child? Please tell someone in real life if you have not already. I'm not in your mind and i'm not going nor am I here to judge you but please tell someone you trust. SF is here for you. I would even help you as much as I possibly could 'cos I cannot imagine the fear and anxiousness of being in your shoes. Keep posting okay? We're here to listen. I'm hoping for you that this is a phase of some sort and you will grow out of it after or during therapy and live a happy normal life.
Hey @In-advance
As @KindaOtiose said, if you haven't acted on these thoughts it's worth looking into P-OCD.
I have a female friend in her 30s who's had similar thoughts for years and has been diagnosed with P-OCD. It's more common than you'd think.
I hope your therapy starts soon but always know that you can talk here okay?
As @KindaOtiose said, if you haven't acted on these thoughts it's worth looking into P-OCD.
I have a female friend in her 30s who's had similar thoughts for years and has been diagnosed with P-OCD. It's more common than you'd think.
I hope your therapy starts soon but always know that you can talk here okay?
Glad you are getting help and hope it all gets better.
Considering you are only 16 though, aren't you a child yourself? I don't know how it works. Unless you are mean "toddlers" when you talk about a child. Then again, thought pedos are mostly into teenagers. And 2 teenagers in a relationship doesn't sound like being a pedo to me.
In addition to these thoughts you're having, do you like people your own age? I used to have a friend who was afraid she was a pedophile. I don't believe she was though. She was mostly interested in guys her age. And the thoughts she had were mostly due to stories she read on the net. Did you just recently start having these thoughts?
Sorry that you're feeling this way.
I think in many people's minds "pedophile" and "child sex offender" are the same thing, though they are very different. Having any particular sexual desire or intrusive thought is not in itself something criminal. It's really only doing something harmful to a child that is a crime.
If you are not acting on desires to abuse children, you are really to commended for that. Also @KindaOtiose had a great reply, and may be right about POCD.
I hope this is an issue that you'll be able to resolve in therapy.
I think in many people's minds "pedophile" and "child sex offender" are the same thing, though they are very different. Having any particular sexual desire or intrusive thought is not in itself something criminal. It's really only doing something harmful to a child that is a crime.
If you are not acting on desires to abuse children, you are really to commended for that. Also @KindaOtiose had a great reply, and may be right about POCD.
I hope this is an issue that you'll be able to resolve in therapy.
