PCP was not ghosting me. Was away from messages and it was a around Memorial Day holiday in US. Afterr lenghty visit he agteed to increase pain med as Suboxone is not cutting it but now insurance company is questioning why would I need such a dose so not sure if they'll approve. Either way, ciao amigos and amigas. ❤️
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Tidbitsitsybityspider
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In a period Oct 2020-Feb 2023 I suffered chronic severe pain from gastritis for which ER said I might have, and ulcer we did not know I had. In Feb 2021 one night I could not endure anymore and that is when they said I might have gastritis and sent me home with five or ten 5-325 Norcos, prescription for omeprazole and a referral to GI. Since it was weekend, pharmacy was opening bit later and I ended up taking one Norco which floored me for the whole day. I remember barely getting up from bed to slurp a little bit of soup and was back in bed. The whole day passed but next day I went to pick up omwprazole from the pharmacy and since started having pain again Saturday night, took another Norco so I could fall asleep and rest as doctor in ER told me to rest. I started omeprazole on Sunday and was taking it for the next week or ten days, but the first listed side effect, headache, from omeprazole was progressing to the point that now instead of gastritis severe pain I started having such strong headaches that I started laying down to bed in the middle of work (this was during pandemic while I worked all 5 days from home). Since I was umable to preform job duties while being on omeprazole, I stopped taking it. I did go to GI who did not ask any questions nor gave any opinion on the situation when I told him omeprazole is making me sick. He, with a mask over half of his face, was just writing some stuff and then sent in someone else in who told me to go to a different room to schedule endoscopy. I was, okay? and took the brochure and read through it and researched endoscopy place. After going through pile of papers which pretty much are telling me that if anything goes wrong I will not hold them responsible plus the place looked like a mourge (know mourge very well as few family members were grave diggers and their daughter, my cousins, worked in mourge). Since the whole process did not jive with me, I did not go for endoscopy nornwas aware of other medication in PPI family or tablets like famotidine, I continued suffering chronic pain for another two years taking rest of Norcos here and there. The last week before massive GI bleed I had to take week long vacation because I was not able anymore to sit in one position from severity of pain. That week I scheduled doctor's appointment but in order to get some sleep time I was alternating one night half a miligram Xanax, the other half a 10-325 Norco I got from somebody who had leftovers after apendecities procedure. On January 31, all blood tests and x-rays came fine with no indication of cause of pain. I was also scheduled for a CT scan but by that time it was too late. So, even though gastritis and ulcer have been resolved, two years of untreated chronic pain have changed multiple sites in pathways in the body how it percives and reacts to pain. In simple terms, motherboard has been burnt. Moving to end of 2023 when I had fractured vertabrea and was prescribed oxycodone for it. For any other severe pain I was presvtibed opioid even though there is evudence that himans with fibromyalgia will experiemce hyperalgesea from opioids so for example, I will take oxycodone for one thing but will start experiencing more pain before duration of action is over. I have one more day when I should not be passing out from pain but since my condition is convoluted due to long history of mental health illness it is hard for professionals to figure it out and even they, like lame folks, say stupid things or repeat non-sense or recommened things which I told them do not work. Since something in me is not allowing me suicide, I will again put myself in a position simmilar to 2020-2023 period and something will give up.
Had a follow up today. Today is also again one more first day without oxycodone. Started melting Suboxone around 11th hour when my mind popped and all sweatty half naked only in my pj bottoms went out for a walk but it was a muggy Florida morning so shielded myself inside. By the time apptmnt was sched I was stable. PCP is not pain mamagement. Pain management clinics unable to help so am staying with a legal dealer. Next batch of oxycodone due in five-ish days, so should be bearable. Have about 80+ Subs and a script for 800 mg ibuprofen, even though for my pain it might take couple of weeks to work because even though I took one I had to hammer it with a sub. Still red light for back to work. Hearing for social security disability approching fast. As days go by I am more and more into not giving fuck mood, observing the observer and let's see where we land.
As walls arw closing in, J am th8nking of those who perished during pandemic who were not sick but usolated and without support system. Who knoqs how many rotren bodies have been left in houses and apartments as pandemic went on and on and on. The signs from uniberse dint give me hope so am preparing for the worst. Due to complexities of my mebtal and phusical health I am unable to address issues on time or keep up appoinent and insurance comoany that has been paying long term disability are sahing that if they do not have anything to go off of they will habe to close the claim. If they do so I fucked because I dont have any savings nor anyone who can take me on or provide healthcare so pretty much destiny of thosenwho jist faded away in isolation. I will let thing unfold in natural way but if in unbearable pain I wont have other choice but to cbt as dying in pain and agony is one of the worst ways to go. I wish I was smarter in the past and did so much more but never in my wildest dreams could know that such convoluted and complex conditions can envelope mind and body all at the same time. I am still holding in some things that I will take to my greave as those who should have known would already know if they really cared. Not sure why I was born when life is a pain and seferring. Its been too long.
Thanks for understanding @Congratsbaby
Some of my online outlets are too pooped atm so will be pooping out my thoufhts here.
Dear medical communityngave me usual combo for ulcer treatment; however in 4,000+ pages of that hospital stay it says: h.pylori not found but GI from Birland and Groover is recimmending two antibiotics 2 x daily for 10 days. Birds on the trees know that antibiotics kill every, good and bad, bacteria in their way BUT I did not need it. Then GI said take PPI for the rest of my life. Then after months of taking PPI on top.of already damaged flora or microbiom in the gut which disrupts absorption of nutrients (mimerals and vitamins) I started having severe bones pain. Had a bottle of oxycodone for anothet issue (which medical community to this day dont know nor care tonresearch deeper what it is) so the bottle stays unopened for months because the ER supply of Norcos was sufficient for a couple of times. Then for the first time in my life I am getting ready tontake oxycodone. I called my sister to watch over me because at the time Inwas 3 x 2 mg valium daily, just in case as I have heard mixing opiate and benzo is a no-no. So I split 10 mg tablet in two and take one half. It floored me for 12 hours. I barely leaned over once to drink sike juice which was in a bottle on the bedside commode and once crawled to bathroom to answer nature's call. Upon waking up in the morning different man. Relaxed, and happy, happy after looooong time. Had an appointment with mental health social worker and told her "this is what they should have given me for depression and anxiety from the get go instead of guinne piggy me on citalopram, escitalopram, Wellbutrin, Effexor, prozac, mirtazapine, buspar, Zoloft, and off label ones like clonidine, propanolol and the third which made me dizzy to the point of me falling to the ground ans finally proclaiming that I have treatment resistent depression. That was back then. After two years they changed diagnosisnfrol Major Depressive Disorder to something else which indicates lifelong depression for which there are very few pharmaceuticals but with too long of a list of side effect. The diagnosed condition is not very well researched and alot of vauge words like maybe, pronably, it is belived are used when describing a condition but one thing they def got right is that one of the complications is suicude. I had them since I was 12, so 36 years, and have tried two times in between my own dad's suicude. Everyone is special in some sort of way and when thry say that Suboxone keeps cravings away and helps with the pain, it does not apply to all.
Dear medical communityngave me usual combo for ulcer treatment; however in 4,000+ pages of that hospital stay it says: h.pylori not found but GI from Birland and Groover is recimmending two antibiotics 2 x daily for 10 days. Birds on the trees know that antibiotics kill every, good and bad, bacteria in their way BUT I did not need it. Then GI said take PPI for the rest of my life. Then after months of taking PPI on top.of already damaged flora or microbiom in the gut which disrupts absorption of nutrients (mimerals and vitamins) I started having severe bones pain. Had a bottle of oxycodone for anothet issue (which medical community to this day dont know nor care tonresearch deeper what it is) so the bottle stays unopened for months because the ER supply of Norcos was sufficient for a couple of times. Then for the first time in my life I am getting ready tontake oxycodone. I called my sister to watch over me because at the time Inwas 3 x 2 mg valium daily, just in case as I have heard mixing opiate and benzo is a no-no. So I split 10 mg tablet in two and take one half. It floored me for 12 hours. I barely leaned over once to drink sike juice which was in a bottle on the bedside commode and once crawled to bathroom to answer nature's call. Upon waking up in the morning different man. Relaxed, and happy, happy after looooong time. Had an appointment with mental health social worker and told her "this is what they should have given me for depression and anxiety from the get go instead of guinne piggy me on citalopram, escitalopram, Wellbutrin, Effexor, prozac, mirtazapine, buspar, Zoloft, and off label ones like clonidine, propanolol and the third which made me dizzy to the point of me falling to the ground ans finally proclaiming that I have treatment resistent depression. That was back then. After two years they changed diagnosisnfrol Major Depressive Disorder to something else which indicates lifelong depression for which there are very few pharmaceuticals but with too long of a list of side effect. The diagnosed condition is not very well researched and alot of vauge words like maybe, pronably, it is belived are used when describing a condition but one thing they def got right is that one of the complications is suicude. I had them since I was 12, so 36 years, and have tried two times in between my own dad's suicude. Everyone is special in some sort of way and when thry say that Suboxone keeps cravings away and helps with the pain, it does not apply to all.