Tidbitsitsybityspider
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Thank you 🙂So it’s 2/26 and I’m seeing this post. How is it all going? Tests, results, interventions..share if you’d like when you can. I’m hoping good outcomes and/or options are being offered and maybe scheduled or happening!
Running on a fourth month in a row that my pain meds are gone before a refill. I cut ties with junkie friend as was getting tired of his know it all one shoe fits all attitude. Last three days tried high dose vit C as sodium ascorbate megadose protocol to get off of oxycodone. However, the night of stopping I got awaken by pain that I wanted to either bang my head on the wall or just kill myself. So it toom three doses in one hour increments to lower pain from 10/10 to 3-4/10 so I was able to text me sista to prepare tablets so I can pick them up when she awakes. What I've done is seperate regular doses and breakthrogh ones. About a week ago sista stopped by for some reason and as we spoke I told her yeah she can take away because I will be stopping this two edged sword of a medication. Everything was going so good but I guess the time has not come yet again. Will have about two weeks to use leftover Suboxone for opiate requited anelgisia. Usually "detox" for five days using Suboxone so smaller doses needed in days after. Damn cPTSD, MDD, anxiety and benzo. If I wasn't on a benzo they would be able to give me something better. I am at the point where I do not care anymore. Ordered some syrenges and needles on amazon to try and shoot oxycodone from the next refill to see how it goes and if at all will be possible to prolong prescription. Also, notocing going longer in betweeb benzo doses. Sometimes 10 hours pass okay even though I used to take them as prescribed every six hours. The thing is I have clonidine which takes care of surge of norephinerine, the same exact substance white coats pumped me with when they tried to keep me alive when I went under due to massive GI bleed.
It's 70⁰ F outside and I made it toasty inside and alomg anelgisia am finding moments of relief and I dont give a fuck attitude so I am afloat, on my back. Ocean beneath and behind me. In front of my face mountain range. Nope, not California. Adriatic Coast. Starting to daydream again. Even hear music. Listened so much of it for therapy.
It's 70⁰ F outside and I made it toasty inside and alomg anelgisia am finding moments of relief and I dont give a fuck attitude so I am afloat, on my back. Ocean beneath and behind me. In front of my face mountain range. Nope, not California. Adriatic Coast. Starting to daydream again. Even hear music. Listened so much of it for therapy.
I've tried all I could. Pain is unbearable. They kill horses who cannot be helpped or healed. Shame we either treat animals with utmost mercy and respect, on the other side away from our eyes slaughterhouses are filled with their blood. As human race, because of the mind, we made make-believe world in which we are superior , but we are more viscious and cruel towards each other and animals then wildlife which follows laws of nature.
Wondering how many people due in pain. Remember my first visit to the pain management clinic, with fractured back, they would not give me anything cause I had benzo prescription and an MD there said smiling "noone died of pain" and sent me home dry. That fucking medical healthcare system in the fucking Unites States of America where senators on the hill, DEA and FDA think they know our bodies better than themselves
And since 2023 they threw my health down the drain due to inhumane subtreatments I have been receiving to the point that now every single day I think about killing this body that I cannot stand anymore. I guess they are culling the herd. USA's government and its' multiple agencies have been kniwn historically to experiment on their own citizens. It is not conspiracy theory, but thousands of pagea od congressional hearings amd public archives and each year more and more get declassifies showing fucking monsters are running this country. They accepted me along with millions of refugees here not to help us, but to use us, first as cheap labor, did not accept diplomas of highly educated people, then down the road fuck and enslave us. Yes, yes, I know, I did not have to come here and that is the only regret I have in my life, ever stepping foot on this soil. Now I do not have means, strenght, healthy body, to move away for good from the savages. Hindistenis always 20/20, but at the same time this country is piece of shit and no wander in about 10 to 15 years, there will be only about 25 million people left living in the USA. The rest will be either dead, deported or will leave of their own accord for initial sin of slaughtering Indians upon landing on this continent will reap its reward. Every action has a reaction. And while the things are not black ans white, universal law forever operates on duality. So fuck me for my bad decusions, ans fuck them for theirs.
And since 2023 they threw my health down the drain due to inhumane subtreatments I have been receiving to the point that now every single day I think about killing this body that I cannot stand anymore. I guess they are culling the herd. USA's government and its' multiple agencies have been kniwn historically to experiment on their own citizens. It is not conspiracy theory, but thousands of pagea od congressional hearings amd public archives and each year more and more get declassifies showing fucking monsters are running this country. They accepted me along with millions of refugees here not to help us, but to use us, first as cheap labor, did not accept diplomas of highly educated people, then down the road fuck and enslave us. Yes, yes, I know, I did not have to come here and that is the only regret I have in my life, ever stepping foot on this soil. Now I do not have means, strenght, healthy body, to move away for good from the savages. Hindistenis always 20/20, but at the same time this country is piece of shit and no wander in about 10 to 15 years, there will be only about 25 million people left living in the USA. The rest will be either dead, deported or will leave of their own accord for initial sin of slaughtering Indians upon landing on this continent will reap its reward. Every action has a reaction. And while the things are not black ans white, universal law forever operates on duality. So fuck me for my bad decusions, ans fuck them for theirs.
I had this idea that I want to leave my bones in the country I was born. Now it really does not matter. I will be dead anyhow and wouldn't really care.
Pumping body with painkillers, tryng to have good time while I can. If it gets hard again, fuck it, will either die off or survive. Both outcomes are ok by me as if I survive I will live to see yet another prescption filled by legal drug dealers and I woud not be me if I did not say Fuck DEA even though Narcos has been my fave series for the past month or so.
Pumping body with painkillers, tryng to have good time while I can. If it gets hard again, fuck it, will either die off or survive. Both outcomes are ok by me as if I survive I will live to see yet another prescption filled by legal drug dealers and I woud not be me if I did not say Fuck DEA even though Narcos has been my fave series for the past month or so.