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Tidbitsitsybityspider

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
Todays me was filling paperwork for SSI and such a tash is hard, the questions on there made me feel worthless and incapable of ever being what I used to be,, functioning human being, both mentally amd psycally. Came the mome t when I jad to say godby to me sanoty for whatever was left. Desperate with no abimity of support from those around me feeling alone im a this mebtal drsolate place. Took me guitar yoped the gains and reverbs and let the cobfussion out. Got these instrume ts as a step towards music therapy but thos time around I am empty. Still, year after cardiac arrest and massive GI bleed I am fucking enpty, everything seems empty and eve the small moments I'd like to enjoy unable to to physical or mental pains. Feeling like I am nearing that point of no return and switch will turn and off I might go. I still will go on auto pilot for now and let the primal surivaval insitict of body cellls to carry this form even though it is becomimg very tiring on all levels. CPR pushed my chakras and center somewhere aside, I am just not the man, the person I used to be. Resiliancy and stress managment among the fires no longer are in me. The only thing I can sta focused on for hours is compulsive bullet chess playing, that is all. Everything is a struggle, and I play that stupid chess to forget hurt and pain but when I try to be calm nist bothing comes everuthing is hollow. Fuck.
I am so sorry this all seems too much and must be lot of struggle for you. Please take care, I hope you're doing better than before but even if you're not just hold on it will get better even if it might feel it won't. It will ❀️
You're strong, you matter what helps in my case is when you accept your mental health and physical health issues then it gets better to manage them, you accepting yourself is very important. You will never be like that old you and that's okay damage changes people and that's okay too you can miss that version, you are allowed to grieve, to feel
But accept yourself and I hope it gets better
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
Thank you for checking in. At this time cant really say anything new. Kuddos for finals and be8neg vice champions!
Hope that at the very least you'll be sensing at least signs of improvement.

Lol the football and being "vice champions." I was actually backing (and hoping for) a Spain win. Not Eng, not with the style they played, it was like an unflushed toilet. Had they won then that would've risked the possibility of other teams picking up the same template.
Best team won and that was the one playing front foot football.
 

full

SF Supporter
Hope that at the very least you'll be sensing at least signs of improvement.

Lol the football and being "vice champions." I was actually backing (and hoping for) a Spain win. Not Eng, not with the style they played, it was like an unflushed toilet. Had they won then that would've risked the possibility of other teams picking up the same template.
Best team won and that was the one playing front foot football.
The only sense of improvement, and report to moderators if this should not be written on SF, is that I found street dealer who can sell me wholesale oxycodone so I can up my dose by at least 5-10 mgs daily.

I did not watch, just read the score. Honestly, I'm the same way. If the team did not come out to win ots only fair the better one does. That being said kuddos to Spain for being champions and giving you joy.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
As long as it's the genuine article that you're getting hold off. Sucks that you have had to resort to this and I guess this is a statement of the damning times that the healthcare system has found itself in.

I did not watch, just read the score. Honestly, I'm the same way. If the team did not come out to win ots only fair the better one does. That being said kuddos to Spain for being champions and giving you joy.
Not being English actually made it easier :D
 

full

SF Supporter
As long as it's the genuine article that you're getting hold off. Sucks that you have had to resort to this and I guess this is a statement of the damning times that the healthcare system has found itself in.



Not being English actually made it easier :D
Hahaha, I forgot you are not English, so yeah, all good :)

As far as street thing goes, did not have a chance to try it. Gotta first save some money amd then travel to another city, but the friend who recommended him says it is an actual pharmaceutical grade with no filler or other ingriedients and used it himself for months.
 

full

SF Supporter
The duration ranges from 3 to 6 hours for immediate release - this is from NIH site for oxycodone and my prescription is every 8 hours and if my doctor changes it he will be flagged by pharmacy. That's how the system is made to weed out the weak ones. This is not only for oxycodone, I personally know same thing is for xanax and Lyrica (people start needing medication in between prescribed times). It would be more honest if they offerred burrial places and casckets.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
The duration ranges from 3 to 6 hours for immediate release - this is from NIH site for oxycodone and my prescription is every 8 hours and if my doctor changes it he will be flagged by pharmacy. That's how the system is made to weed out the weak ones. This is not only for oxycodone, I personally know same thing is for xanax and Lyrica (people start needing medication in between prescribed times). It would be more honest if they offerred burrial places and casckets.

Dosing intervals of every 8 hours? Manufacturer's literature for standard release oxycodone recommends dosing intervals of 4-6 hrs. This is based upon pharmacokinetic data and also accounts for approx 45% of oxycodone being protein plasma bound which means in effect you have a drug reservoir going on.
Makes one wonder where the system got 8 hrs from. It's arsehole perhaps?

On one hand, in light of the revelations about the opiod epidemic meaning medics and health authorities are probably bricking it when it comes to prescribing such meds, you still would've thought that sub-therapeutic prescribing would be fucking pointless and a waste of time and money from the persepective of trying to achieve adequate pain control. Consequently, it leads to situations such as yourself whereby you're driven to consider obtaining supplies from less say.... non-regulated sources.

It would be more honest if they offerred burrial places and casckets
Unlikely as they'll be thinking along monetary lines. They'll be able to make more money out of land it it were a shopping centre/high end apartment complex than a burial ground.
 

full

SF Supporter
Its not arshole but the fact he gives me benzo as well and 1. Needs to protect himself and 2. Make sure my CNS doesnt slow down to a halt while I am in constant WD/ pain. So I wish fir death more often then not. Have not been out for a walk in 3 weeks now.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
Oh man, not being able to get out for a walk for the last 3 weeks must be a killer..
WD/pain - withdrawal pain you mean from oxycodone? I remember you were mentioned it in one of your earlier posts.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
Ok. Just a thought, you stepping down by the same set amount eg 10mg every 1-2 weeks? If so then as an alternative that may be more easier, hyperbolic tapering could be an option. Of course, that's something that'll have to be talked over with your medic team.
 

full

SF Supporter
Tried tapering but pain comes back. OTC drugs dont do much for pain. They've tried them back in January in detox rehab ceneter when they got me off of oxycodone but my condition was getting worse despite acetaminophen, ibuprofen, Celeberex, differenet muscle relaxers, Prednisone...i've taken the same approach at home as well only to found meself feeling the same crap. I dont know.
 

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