-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Tidbitsitsybityspider
- Thread starter full
- Start date
Taper off clonazepam is affecting me adversely. The only safe dose I can take while also using pain killer is 1.25 mg, anything below that shoots my blood pressure and heart rate through the roof. Disappointed. Pain killer dose increased as smaller doses stopped working. And even if they help for some pain, I am still not functional. Yesterday went to me mom's to celebrate one of family holidays was tremoring there like a junkie barely able to concentrate on shit. Previous nights' pain killer lowered me shugah so I was running for cupboard to chase some sugar with water. Not good at all.
Im gonna go out 8n the rain, melt. Quietly like a breeze. No damn worry in the world. Clids be storming. Distance never gets closer, each step its further away. Illusions of the eyes n brain. I see them again hovering over me, trying to pump the air then blood then stiching broken vein. Memories, suffocate, all of them in this incapable body filled with sadness, aches and pains. Like whole army marched over me with their boots. Brain gettung frued and buzzing, neuropathy coming back. Time for apothecary of me own to dig out burried chest with pills doctors kept on prescribing, a game like fill in the blanks. What we know and dont know will harm you, they say in the back of paranoid mund. Where's the fucking exit out if thus bottomless hole. Fucker.
Neuropathy started creeping back in about a week ago. Will wait for my phusicial in about two weeks to discuss with PCP of I should add Lyrica again or maybe we can work some dose of oxy for that along with the pains that I will have from PT. Met my PT therapyst few days make; she said I am still in a "no pain, no gain" mode so it is ex0ected that I am sore and in pain for days. Appears the same thing is on mental level. Finally had an opportunity yesterday to start EMDR with my therapist to resolve PTSS issued I've been having from the war. Most of the morning I am still waking up stiff and achy, and pretty much go to sleep with a degree of pain. Last night I mustred enough patience just lay in bad until I feel asleep withour reaching for pain killer. However, in order to do some essential shopping this morning I did use opoid crutch and to relieve a bit of neuropathy. While things appear to be mentally calmer overall, now I feeling effects of hypervigilance on my body now and am hoping that that is how things are and am reaching a point of resolution and more healing as now I just have to keep on keeping on with physical recovery. I have to say that opoids have an additional effect to pain killimg which is they also calm me down im a way. When I just startes taking oxycodone, I ised to have nice side effect of tripping probably 70% of times I took, but now that I take it more regularly there are no trips bit rather calmness. It's been I think at least ten days now that I have not had doom and gloom episode and that is improvement.
I am also getting back to the practice I was able to do prior to last PTSD which is willingly deciding that I will sleep through the night. Past two days I lay off of electronics and any activity that might excite the mind and was able to catch at least 5 hours of sleep which is not ideal but def progress.
I am also presented with an example how to set healthy boundaries and while caring and supporting couple of friends in distress do not allow their hell breaks loose experience to impact me to much. Live and learn, live and grow.
I am also getting back to the practice I was able to do prior to last PTSD which is willingly deciding that I will sleep through the night. Past two days I lay off of electronics and any activity that might excite the mind and was able to catch at least 5 hours of sleep which is not ideal but def progress.
I am also presented with an example how to set healthy boundaries and while caring and supporting couple of friends in distress do not allow their hell breaks loose experience to impact me to much. Live and learn, live and grow.