Tired, Ashamed, and Afraid and Ready to Give Up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by narcissistsdaughter, Jan 5, 2013.

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  1. narcissistsdaughter

    narcissistsdaughter New Member

    Hi, I'm new here...nowhere to really begin except I'm struggling with suicidal feelings and severe depression for many years now. I have a mother who has narcissistic personality disorder, and I did not realize that's what was wrong with her until recently. She's kind of crippled me. I've somehow stupidly reached a point where she now controls almost my entire life. I'm tied to her financially and my daughter emotionally and financially. I don't have any self-esteem and I want to take my daughter and run away to get away from my mother's insanity, I'm saving money to do so in a few months. We're going to a place where we don't know anyone at all to start over. But my daughter who is 14 is pulled back and forth on this issue. She wants to leave but my mother keeps buying her things and promising her more, and then my daughter softens. I feel that I'm going to take my life if I don't get us out of here. But I need some advice, someone to listen, someone to help me through this. I'm constantly second-guessing myself because of my mother's influence and her constant little comments meant to both undermine and control me. I don't know who I am but I need to take control of this situation. I'd like to feel not so alone and to know someone else who has struggled with a relationship with a mother like this. I just feel as if I'm going to take myself out even before I've had time to think it through, my inner rage and desperation is so intense right now. I'm a good mother but not a good human being. I am riddled with doubt and all I want to do is be at peace and away from this mother who is not a mother. She doesn't love me, and never has. Please help me. I can't go to counseling and won't borrow the money from her to do so, she'd just try to undo any success I had with it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun you so right in wanting to leave that toxic environment hun Your daughter is only 14 and does not fully understand the damage her grandmother has done to you
    The thing is hun you need to get your daughter away from her so she does not harm her like she has done you.
    As soon as you can hun take you daughter away ok if you can talk to you daughter and explain to her why It is hard because your mother is manipulating her grandaughter don't let her hun you take her somewhere safe hugs
  3. Please reconsider . I thoroughly believe we are all in this life to have these kinds of challenges and missions . Especially since you have a daughter , you should absolutely go on living so you can help her have a better life also .

    Prayer can help so much . Bless you .
  4. Not Much Story Left

    Not Much Story Left New Member

    I am the son of someone with NPD. It has damaged me a great deal. They have trapped me too. Stopped me from growing properly. My fantastic career fell apart and I moved back in with them. It's killing me. I did a lot of therapy last year but the physical and financial problems remain. I would like to talk to someone who lives with this very specific problem. I'm here if you want to talk.
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