Tired of being alive

[Dask]

This is a daily struggle. And I am losing. I don't really care. I can't even get out of bed most days. I take a lot of chances...hoping to not make it. Sorry if I hurt someone else, too. I am 63, I have tried numerous times to end it. I always fail. I become a more miserable of a person every day. I don't want to see anyone anymore. Am locking my doors

 

[davidcan]

I understand your dillemma. When does life get better. ,or does it or will it. Is hope a real word

 

[Lara_C]

I hope now you've found this community you stay around and talk to us some more. Here you will find many others who can relate to how you're feeling and thinking, some who are in the same place and others who have known defeat and despair and found their way through. Welcome!

 

[SkyTree]

I like to listen to positive, hopeful, and uplifting music when I'm feeling suicidal or just down in general. Don't think about the whole rest of your life. Think about how you can try to make it today and each day.

 

[Lara_C]

. I take a lot of chances...hoping to not make it. Sorry if I hurt someone else, too. I am 63, I have tried numerous times to end it. I always fail.

Please don't take any more chances while you are unsafe. You could kill someone's mother, or father, or child, and think of the agony that would cause.

Would you like to say some more about what's happened in your life to bring you here?

 

[KindaOtiose]

Hi @Dask. Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment.

@Lara_C is right; your driving behavior is not fair. You really shouldn't be driving like that, as not only as could you hurt yourself, but you could hurt, or even kill, someone else, and that really isn't fair.

Have you ever sought treatment for what you are going through? There are a wide range of treatments available from medication to therapy, that might help you. In the meantime, you can continue to share on this forum. Sharing can often lessen the load on us.

I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Stay safe. Sending hugs .

 

[1964dodge]

welcome to SF @Dask we are a peer community that cares but never judges. please look at the different forums and post when you feel comfortable or you can use our chat room if you prefer real time.

try to use care not to hurt others. i'm also 63 so i know the outlook isn't all that good. we have a lot of issues to face which will get worse as we age. but there are still a lot of positive joyful things that we can do. try to get some help now dealing with your issues so you can get better...mike...

 

[Dask]

Haven't been back here in awhile. I have suffered from depression all my life. Started counseling in 3rd grade. Been on antidepressants since I was 38. Currently on 2 different ones. By that time married and divorced, 1 daughter and a step daughter ( I always refer to them both as my daughters. Christmas seems the worst. I hate it, don't like presents. I don't know why. When my depression hits, like today, I just want the pain to stop. I am currently in a new relationship, and want out. Not because I don't like her, because I do like her alot and do not want to put her though this. Little background on me. Never had any real friends. I have smoked weed, never done any other drugs. Had problem with alcohol in my younger years. I do drink ( beer, no hard stuff). Hardly ever drink at home. First marriage was a mistake, got her pregnant and did the RIGHT thing and married her. Lasted 4 years. Married again to the love of my life about 12 years later. We were together 30 years, she passed from cancer 2/19. I took care of her myself for 15 months before she passed.
I have been in and out of therapy my whole life. Never seems to do any good. I honestly try. Have attempted 5 times, last one 5 years ago. I have been trying to get back into therapy, but my insurance doesn't cover it, and I am not eligible for anything. My daughter and I have looked. Right now I am hurting and cannot find a reason for it. I am locked in my house. I am not wanting to see or talk to anyone. I just cannot to out and face people, I am afraid I might snap. I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[Dask]

Thanks for the replies. I do appreciate it.

 

[1964dodge]

i'm sorry that you are hurting so much right now @Dask i am sorry that you lost your wife. losing a partner of so many years is extremely hard on people. try to keep fighting to get better. also try all avenues available to get help. legal services for the elderly helped me when i was having a problem with affording meds, maybe if it's available in your area they may be able to help. i know affording therapy is costly that's why i stopped. but please keep talking to us we are listening to you...mike...