You were so wonderful. Last summer was the best thing ever and yet I never saw you like that... there were things I should have said. And what was said was about our lack of future. We were sitting in the smoke room against the window and you were talking about history and paying off your car. And I was smoking a cigarette and some how we were on suicide. And how we both agreed to it. And you succeeded. I saw your mom and dad and finally met your sister at your wake. And as much as I cried when I found out, and days after and months after, and everyday I break down.... when I was staring at your box of ashes with your face in front of it, and I was kneeling. I couldnt cry, I was mad, I wish it was a nightmare. I wish when we were playing footsies that night on your couch I didn't take it so seriously, because Im known for being a tease. I go away for school and as soon as its over and I was ready to tell you about it and finally us drinking again... you <edit mod total eclipse method> yourself. Our last convo was on facebook and I cant bare to look at it... because I know we had some arguments... and I miss you so damn much. Every party it was always me and you, we even had awesome similar taste in music and sang together. I dont know... if Im more upset of you killing yourself... or you doing it without me. Fuck you, I love you.