Today is a crisis day, I need to talk/write a little...

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

Hi, thanks for accepting me on the forum.

Today is a crisis day for me. I have acknowledged that I have some real financial difficulties that I need to address better. I have been working hard on resolving this issue but I have not seen the results yet. It put me down and I am waiting for some confirmation that what I did is the right thing...

The delay is tormenting me and I felt crushed today by the lack of response. My source of revenue is becoming narrow. I thought about suicide, but now that though is gone. I guess I am just in crisis. I have debts to take care of.

I am not in a relationship (yet), but there is someone I have met via a Facebook group about 6 months ago and we are getting along pretty well. We are living 1300km apart, but we plan to meet somewhere in the middle in a month from now.

Of course, my financial situation is an obstacle for me, before I can commit more in the relationship. I feel very bad about it. She knows I need to work on this issue and she is fine with that.

My life is out of balance from a financial and affective perspective. I don't exactly know what to do.

May be I'll write more later... I am just a bit lost today...

 

[Dreamland]

Welcome to SF, "dude." First off, let me say that I TOTALLY know where you are coming from with the whole waiting for confirmation on whether you did the right thing or not deal. But you know what? You've worked hard on resolving the issue, and while I hope the financial situation is indeed better, the important thing is that you worked your butt off to help yourself. You don't need external validation to prove you're in charge of your life and are capable of at least trying to do the right thing. I'd call that a success!

As far as the relationship thing goes, it sounds really promising. If nothing else, again, you are taking steps to make your life better. You are succeeding!

Sounds to me like although you are feeling lost, it's all nerves. Sometimes it's hard to see the things we've done well when we're anxious about the unknowns. Just take it a day at a time, keep on top of your financial situation as best as you can, and you'll make it out the other side. And you know what? Even if you were to go completely bankrupt and and up homeless and penniless, nobody can take your personality, life, and education away from you. I can already tell from your post that you care enough to make it and get on top of your problems. You will never be hopeless or helpless as long as you have your tenacity.

 

[pppqp]

sending you a warm hug.

i hope your situation improves soon. obstacles make people stronger than they used to be. i know it's hard for you atm but soon enough you're gonna find a way out. there are solutions for everything.

xxx

 

[pppqp]

sending you a warm hug.

i hope your situation improves soon. obstacles make people stronger than they used to be. i know it's hard for you atm but soon enough you're gonna find a way out. there are solutions for everything.

xxx

 

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

Thanks pppqp !!! Much appreciated...

 

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

Thanks, I am doing a lot of introspection, trying to understand where I went wrong, how I got into this situation. In 2007, I got to understand that I was the son of a malignant narcissist by reading a document about children of narcissists. It put me down. I have been fighting since, and learned a lot. I manage to escape the poisonous game of my father, I am not involved with him anymore. I know he won't change and I have accepted this. Family is not always understand this, but it is a classic, few people do. I have found support on dedicated forums.

I have been trying to create my start-up, even got a patent. The initial product I was working with was too ambitious, so we tried something smaller. We decided to work with an Astrologer to create something between Astrology and Social Networks. Unfortunately, he has not been delivered his part of the job. I have been accommodating, been patient, tried to organize the situation to make it work, but never seen substance. Now, I am left with nothing on this side.

I have tried another project, and now I am waiting for results to come (or not).

 

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

A couple of days ago, I also saw an article online about hypersensitive high IQ people. I have all the syndrome of someone who has not been detected and who has been living with this unsolved trouble (well it is not a trouble, it is just that I need to connect more with those people - Mensa or equivalent). I am watching many video, and I really connect with those people... The way they speak, the speed at which they speak...

 

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

I am currently working on my false self, the part of me that I thought had to develop 'in order to be loved'. I notice that, when taking a deep look at it, large parts of my family were not accepting difference and tolerating not being in the social norm. The hidden expectation was permanent. I always thought I was the selfish one. In fact, it would not have caused anyone some trouble if I had been allowed to develop the way I wanted/needed to develop (I have always been a quite kid). I was not bothering other kids or people. I was happy on my own.

My father, a narcissist, tried to solve his own problems through my brother and I. In fact, he never solved his problems with his own parents and applied on us the cure he was hoping for himself. I hate him for pushing all of his desires on us, with 0 respect, and causing so much damage. I am so disappointed my grand-parents did not teach him a bit of empathy, proper social skills. He is so manipulative, so incapable of taking other people's feeling into account. He has been so destructive...

 

[SomeDudeNeedingToTalk]

I need to dump it: my father said he wanted to study engineering, but my grand-father wanted him to study Law and would refuse to pay his studies if he went for something different. My grand-father was a Lawyer himself, and hoped my father would take over his business. My father was forced to study Law, and when he met my mother, she allowed him to study Economy too (paid for it). My father never finished his economy studies. He finished Law, found a job and never took over my grand-father's business. There was surely some narcissistic investments from my grand-father onto my father.

I know that my grand-father has had a terrible relationship with his own mother, like he never got the warmth and love a kid is supposed to have. He went through WWI between the age of 6 and 10. They were not always eating every day then. My grand-father became thrift, may be excessively. On himself and on others. A method of survival. I guess he did not choose my grand-mother by accident, social social, but introvert, sweet & soft. But there was no real love between them. I think my grand-father strategized to solve his own problems with his parent through my father by choosing a soft wife (as opposed to his hard mum).

Because of all this, they did not push hard rules on my father, and he never learned to contain himself. My grand-mother was totally incapable of playing Mrs. Tatcher on anyone. My grand-father was spending most of his time at work and was not available for eduction. My father was exuberant and never learned to contain his desires and emotions. He never learned to develop limits. He became a narcissist. Today, he is rejected by everyone, except those he can coin into his game.

When it was time for me to go to university, instead of letting me go and study Computer Science, he pushed to go for polytechnic engineering (something more prestigious for him) and more like what he would have wanted for himself. There was a tough math entry exam, but I was good in math and passed it. No great marks, and no efforts too. I lost one year of my life, because I did not like those studies at all.

I can tell a million stories like these. So many situations where he pushed and manipulated people out of his own needs. I regret not having been stronger against him. I regret I only got to understand that he was a narcissist late in my like. But then again, the problem was only discovered around the mid-80's.