today was the worst yet

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by onenineteen, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. onenineteen

    onenineteen Antiquities Friend

    This morning, i decided to give my daughter kix cereal for breakfast instead of the waffle she usually gets, just to try something new thats I think is popular for kids and to have as a backup option when the waffle is refused.

    my wife says to me "you always do this when you are home from work. you fuck up everything and then i am left having to get it back to normal." Later she yells at me because she believed i filled out the homestead rebate form incorrectly when i know i had. No apologies afterwards, no nothing.

    i don't know....is she right? What scared me the most is i was looking at the kitchen knife thinking i could give it a go, not even concerning the welfare of my children. What kind of dad doesn't stand up for himself. I still don't know why i don't fight back, the therapist says not to have 'any major life events', but i don't know how much more of this condenscention i can take. Alot of good that's doing i don't even see her until next week.

    anyway four glasses of wine later i feel much better about it, certainly felt like i needed a drink.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It sounds to me as if you may have problems with setting boundaries. People with boundary problems often do not stand up for themselves and get walked over quite easily. You can talk to your therapist about helping you to establish boundaries. It is something I need to work on too. I cannot walk away when I need to and I can't say no to people very easily. There are many other things too, but those are just a few examples of what boundaries need to be worked on. It is fine for your child to have kix for breakfast. Does your wife eat the same food for every meal? I would hope there would be a variety, This is all you were offering your child. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Does your wife like to be in control of things? Just another thought. let us know how you are doing hun. We care. ;hug:
     
  3. corral

    corral Guest

    its horrible there are partners like that.. controlling and bitchy. i think if you had another partner and shared love you would forget about your suicide feelings.
     
  4. scott1891

    scott1891 Member

    Well I think gentle pretty much covered things on this. Certainly I hope that the immediate action is to go and have an adult beverage to kinda give yourself the relief. What you did was not in anyway wrong. I would wait awhile and go back to her and explain why you did what you did. Maybe also ask her in a polite way how this changed the schedule that she sets and assure her that your intentions were not to disrupt that. In my own instances I have had that happen but pretty much blow it off and felt confident in what I did was harmless. But I did go back and revisit the incident with my wife . The good thing was it showed to her my intentions and it also made her validate how it disrupted things. It turned out that very positive and she actually admitted she was wrong.
     
  5. onenineteen

    onenineteen Antiquities Friend

    I'm not sure there is much to reason, she is right I am wrong. That's why I never get an apology. This is not the first time either. I dont feel I have the energy nor the desire to fight back. It's dragging me down and the thoughts won't stop.
     
  6. scott1891

    scott1891 Member

    Have you thought about a marriage counsellor? Do you think she would go for that? If this is a situation that is pushing you to the point then a revaluation needs done on your relationship as a whole. Again though it takes both parties to agree to work on a problem before it can be fixed. I f she is not willing that really doesnt leave you with many options.
     
  7. onenineteen

    onenineteen Antiquities Friend

    Scott that is a good option. Although I think to approach that we would have to address all of my dark moods because I think in my wife's mind she doesn't view her comments as all that harmful and quite possibly they are not. I am just not sure I want to deal with it now. is there ever going to be a good time honestly. I t would help to get back to work and the daily ritual so I could resume the therapy sessions but I still have another week off.
     
  8. scott1891

    scott1891 Member

    Well it is a suggestion because the issues are there and it will only get worse. I think that even if she doesn't view it as harmful she needs to understand that it is harmful. You definitely have a long road ahead of you and I wish you well and hope it works out. Just remember the longer you put it off though the more painfully and damaging it becomes. It is not any easy thing to face a task like this. Try to look at it this way . Once you face it and eventually it is resolved the burden is less.. Good luck and hit me up again if you want to talk. take care....
     
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