Tonight

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by brokendoll83, Jan 1, 2010.

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  1. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I started my last attempt but gave up last night. I'm not sure I can stop myself tonight. I feel so empty and numb, I can't even cry now.
     
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. i really hope you do stop tonite. there are other options out there although it may not feel like it at the moment. please hang in there and continue to chat as needed, please? please take care
     
  3. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Thank you for replying. This forum saved my life last night. Ive tried to commit suicide about 10 times, and I know I shouldn't want to end my life. My family would be devastated. I just cant cope with the way i feel. I hate myself and I'm alone. My friends have all dumped me and I've been in terrible abusive relationships. No one even wants to know me now.
     
  4. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i wouldn't mind knowing you. i'm sorry to that you feel so low about yourself, but these are things that can change. they really can, and i would love to see that for you.
     
  5. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I thought things were getting better. My meds were working and for the first time since I was 10 I was feeling 'normal'. No ups or downs. Ive upped my antidepressants recently but they take time to work. Im trying really hard to find reasons to live, but I just cant seem to shake the urge to kill myself.
     
  6. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I'm sorry for laying all this on you. Youre a total stranger. I come on this forum as I have no one to turn to.
     
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Don't feel bad for laying anything on us brokendoll we are family and we take care of each other yeah know...and that means taking care of you!
    I know you are new but two big things for the better have occurred...you uped you meds and you have new friends with support and caring ...I think that is cause for hope and for celebration. This place saved your life once it can do it again..trust me it has for so many including me.
    Please hang in there..do you have anything else besides the two I mentioned? a loved pet? my silly scrawny cat kept me going so days..she is so pitiful looking I worried whould end up dead if I committed..
    Well hope to hear back from you...i just woke from nap so sorry if my answer is crappy.
    Bambi
     
  8. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Thank you. I have four cats, one of which is just 1 year old. She relies on me and was trying to get in my room last night as she knew something was wrong. She is one of the things to stay alive for. It can just be so hard to keep going. I lost someone I loved to a drug overdose a few years ago and I miss her terribly.
     
  9. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss.

    I think the trick is to find things to live for, like your cat for instance. And make yourself find new things to live for.
     
  10. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with colorful...my one cat sticks to me like glue when she senses something is wrong with me...you can make incredible bonds with animals...I have experienced this and seen it in my work with animals ( I have the best job in the world I think). Have you thought of maybe working with animals? Sometimes reflecting of happier times and hopes for the future can help you deal with the pain that is going on right now...I am focused today and right now on getting my life organized as that will help make my future look brighter...do something productive and towards our goals is really helpful for those of dealing with sadness and pain.
    I too am sorry for the loss of your friend...that is gonna take time so be gentle with yourself please.
    Bambi
     
  11. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    im sorry you feel that way but i do hope you get better quick.
    it is a new year and hopefully new better and positive beginnings, but i can also understand where such sayings may not even make any sense or means nothing. believe me.

    it also saddens me that you say that you have been in abusive relationships before. This is not your fault.
    My now ex partner, whom I loved like you have no idea, had been in such relationships and also was divorced and has her own kids. but now, she has put me in so much trouble with the law, its unreal and im so scared myself.

    be grateful, you are not like this in that, you cause trouble/make false allegations against people - you are a better person but of course, should bring it to people's attention if something bad has happened to you, no one deserves or should live in abuse. that is so wrong and makes no sense either.

    I am a PM away if you wish to talk! :)
     
  12. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Thank you to everyone who replied. It helps. I'm in such a bad place right now. I'm so close. Ive got the pills, found more in my parents cupboard. I'm scared.
     
  13. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Im undecided. I want to end things but i dont want to hurt my family. No one else would miss me thats for sure. I guess I wish I had made more of an impact on peoples lives. No one but my family would even notice if i died. Its pathetic. I havent done anything to be proud of. I dont have a job and i live with my parents. Im in pain all the time, mental and physical. I just want it to stop. Im scared of how calm and unfeeling I am now.
     
  14. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I'm going to do it. Ive had enough. Im being weak for not taking action sooner.
     
  15. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I hope my family will forgive me. I know this is selfish. Ive been called that a lot lately
     
  16. Mr.11

    Mr.11 Well-Known Member

    I hope you're still there. I think you're acting too quickly. You should calm down, sleep on it and make you decision tomorrow. Think about it. Do you know anything about these pills? You could end up hurting yourself more, or it could even leave you in a position where you are unable to attempt to end your life ever again.

    What are you going to lose living one last night? Please promise me you'll sleep on it.
     
  17. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    I know what the pills can do. Its not nice. I just sleep on it every night, then its the same all over again. I just dont want to hurt my parents. I cant do this anymore, its too tough.
     
  18. Mr.11

    Mr.11 Well-Known Member

    Suicide attempts by overdose are very unreliable. There's always a chance, even if it's a very small chance that you'll live. Even if there's nothing I can say or do to make things seem better I suggest you do not use this method. Now, are your parents the only reason you still want to live? Do they know about how you feel?
     
  19. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yes pills are a crappy way and you may end up with some organ damage that you don't want nor need...it is hard times right now but you have us and we care...we will help get you through this and things WILL get better, it is t ough but you are not alone brokendoll we are your friends and are here for you.
    :arms: Bambi
     
  20. brokendoll83

    brokendoll83 Active Member

    Hi just to let you know that I took some more pills but didnt go through with it. Thank you for your support. My mother is staying up tonight. I told her what Id done and gave her the rest of the pills. Im trying to get in contact with the emergency mental health team but i cant get through to them and have left messages but they wont get back to me. If things get bad again, Im going straight to A and E (ER).
     
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