Too much, (even when its good)

[panicbutton]

So in the last three weeks, my dog went through surgery, I went thru surgery, looking at a total of six weeks of being useless, completed another rotation around the sun (birthday), scrubbed and cleaned too much yesterday, agonizing in pain today, mother in law coming in tonight, my youngest is leaving with her for a month tomorrow, got to see my friend who I havent seen in over a year, starting up a new game from my own written paper RPG, and I;ve been sleeping on a love seat for two weeks and everything hurts.

Tonight I had to finally take a pain killer. I have had plenty left over from the initial coming home. I dont know if its the pills or me, but I have been feeling like Im on the verge of tears and panic. Its been a while since I had an attack. I think the stress of everything has worn me down to the point of any excitement is now about to push me over. I feel kind of nutty. Nothing bad is happening now. I dont get it. I mean I understand it logically, but it isnt what I want. Part of me is ok with surpression but then I also know that there is a chance that it could end up making it worse. Supression is how I ended up in this mess to begin with. But I cant indulge this negativity everytime it comes up..

 

[Butterfly]

I think you have had a lot happen in a very short space of time and that you are overwhelmed right now. It can take a while to get over surgery, not just physically but mentally too. Cut yourself some slack

 

[panicbutton]

thank you, and Im trying to, I just want to be better, mentally more than physically though that would be nice, at least physical healing I know for a fact there is an end in sight. At least I have remained calm and stable on the outside. I think Monday Im going to try to take the day to relax, relax and write. Just have to make it through tomorrow, even though I love my mother in law and couldnt be happier that shes here, its just another out of the routine thing that throws me off so badly.

You are right, its a lot, and sometimes it takes compiling before I even realize the effects that it has on me. I guess sometimes a little push is all it takes for something to come to light. I spend too much time remaining calm for everyone that I forget Im not impervious. Its a stressful back and forth game. It is unfortunately needed for the sake of my children to show calm and peace and strength through the scary things so they dont worry too much. Its one of the many reasons I am so grateful for this site because I can be open and process things out with help and support. Thank you.

 

[Butterfly]

Big hugs @sunnypseudo

We are here for you any time you need support. The mental battle is a tough one that's for sure. Just make sure you don't keep everything bottled up all of the time.

 

[panicbutton]

I am trying not to. I really am.