Topz's Diary :) (replies welcome)

[Topz]

August 21, 2016 Sunday
10:55 PM

I just came to my mind that I should start diary-ing again.. I missed it. I will just input the thoughts on my mind

This day is always the same. I don't know that if I am really tired or just lazy.. for the next few days I will do many things, and I know that it will be exhausting.. Midterm exam, group activities, projects and so on.. I am always tired.. maybe I just don't eat much. But for the future I will set goal to myself to incrase my weight.. I am hoping that my life will be get better soon. I CAN DO THIS

 

[Petal]

Diary-ing is a great way to see how you are making progress. You sounds extremely positive and have a good vibe about you! I hope it continues and that you keep on feeling the way you do. Good luck on gaining weight and good luck on your goals and exams, let us know how you get on, keep us updated!!

 

[SillyOldBear]

Oh Topz, I REALLY wish I could give you some of my weight. Then we would both be happier and healthier.

 

[Topz]

August 22, 2016 Monday
11:49 PM

"My life changed in 30 seconds."
Today is one of the best day in my life ,
I never thought that it will instantly happen when I conquered my fears.

Little while ago when I'm still at my school, there is something written and posted in bulletin board.
And I try to go near in to it with my friends even though there is many peoples already near in that bulletin board. And what We saw are the pictures of most handsome boys and beautiful girls in a said contest(written on it).
without of doubt, I go really near one of the guy's picture and pose like how he pose in the picture, and how he smiled. And Boom! Everyone of them laughed! I never been happy in my life better that I made them laugh and I faced my fear that I am sometimes insecure to myself and I judge myself.
I can say that Insecurities and judgmental attitude to myself is gone .
Not only that, I have so much energy to socialize now(never happened before).
I became more confident, I don't care what other peoples think, I can fail infront of other while still having fun.

It is just very wierd !
That it happened in like a blink of eye, I changed.
I still don't know how or why it happened..
Maybe my depression is gone, and I am back to my real self.
Or just I had it enough of other peoples' and criticism.

In the month of march 2016. I am really depressed in that time.
Suicide thoughts.. And I almost did it,
After the month of march I have still suicide thoughts.. But the thoughts are slowly fading away..
thanks to suicideforum that It made me stop to do it..

Now that I can say that this is true:
"Just hold on and everything is will be fine."

 

[Anonymous <3]

YAY!!!!!!

 

[Topz]

August 23 , 2016 - Wednesday
11:59 PM

Today is a fine tiresome day.
tomorrow is my first day of test in midterm,
and I think that I am ready .
I have a classmate that just I thought about.. and her name is "shanelle".
I'm her classmate for many months now, And I think she is unique from other girls..
We are not really close. I just thought of her many times lately,
I just thought that maybe I have a crush on her, I don't know..
The truth is I don't want these kind of things to develop, friendship is fine to me.
I don't want to fall again and get hurted..
I just wish that my test tomorrow will be fine .

 

[Anonymous <3]

We have faith in you

 

[Topz]

August 26 , 2016 - Friday
1:44 AM
later will start the 3rd day of midterm test and I'm still preparing for it besides from my projects.
I still feel tired in the whole day.. I increased my water intake. And maybe tomorrow or later I will try to increase my calorie intake.. I am glad that I am making progress. Before, my body is like a stick, right now I can call that my body size is like a "bamboo sticks" xD. I love eating tho but sometimes my eating habbit is imbalanced. Like in a day I eat many foods, in another day I don't eat much food.. Like that.. well I wish a good day for myself and for everyone, I need to sleep.. Goodnight