Tried to attempt today but chickened out

[Brent1969]

I really thought today was the day it was over.

A brief history: In April I had my plan ready and the day before I was to implement it, a force stronger than I (God?) intervened and convinced me to get help, something I adamantly did not want to do, until that very moment.

I told my wife everything. I went to GP, diagnosis was major depression. Started me on meds. First meds didn't work (Lexapro). Switched meds to Cymbalta 60mg.

I wanted to believe the meds were helping, and they might be helping some, but not enough, which I will get to. But I didn't want to tell anyone they weren't working. Telling people about my depression wasn't fun and I don't like the way I'm treated now (I'm treated differently because of my depression).

So, I started planning late last week. Today I implemented my new plan and went out to the spot I picked. No doubts at all. Until I got there. I was going to xxxxx. I had never xx before, so I xxxxxxxxx

Now I'm frustrated and feeling rather pathetic that I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I cried all the way home, thinking about having to tell my wife about this. But I've had time at home alone this afternoon and am now thinking I won't tell her. I know I should, but I can come up with as many reasons not to tell her as I can for telling her. I'm really torn. Is it wrong to keep it to myself, provided that I do talk to my GP, which I intend to do?

 

[tweetypie]

Hi im glad you didnt go through with it. Its your decision in the end..if you believe you are suicidal enough to attempt again tell your wife. Seriously i would go back to your doc and tell them how you are feeling there is so much more they can do like anti anxiety meds etc that can get you over some of the worse feelings and cbt cognitive behavioural therapy although most places do have a waiting list. Please go back to your doc asap and explain how you are feeling and if there is a next time post here instead of taking a drive xxxxxxxxx

 

[Monoka]

im glad you didn't managed, if you got that far then it is time you went back to your doc or took yourself to the hospital. i understand why the shot would put you off, its so final.

you didn't chicken out, you met your guardian angle

PM me if you need.
:hug:
Take care

 

[Sadeyes]

You have to do what is best for you...tell your GP and get a pdoc to work with you...about telling anyone else...what will make you more healthy? that should be the titmus test...J

 

[Chargette]

It's not unusual to have to try many different meds before the right one or dose is found. Please, never hesitate to tell the doc when the meds are not working.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[kreative1]

Yeah, the only reason I haven't gone to sleep is the fear of f**king it up, sadly knowing that in life I f**k up so in death I'll properly too. Good to see you still here, don't think out doing it again, not worth it. As for Lexapro, I was on it for 2 years or so, hated it, but 1 must understand, meds alone don't stop depression, nor do they stop your bad habits, they just numb the pain to a extent. Meds mainly work when you have therapy, cause you start doing and thinking positive actions, your brain sends those positive signals around, the meds just multiply the good signals. The idea is that say in 6 month time of meds and therapy, you've corrected enough negativity and bad behaviour to start taking lower dosage till eventually you don't use meds. Best go see a therapist, explain to them the situation and start a mental plan with the proper med and therapy. I still don’t understand why GP are allowed to hand out anti depression meds without a full proper mental evaluation and mental plan??