triggered by loss of nephew

[Bbear82]

let me start with a bit of history. biologicaly i only have one sibling and that was my brother who took his life two years ago. i am still struggling with this loss. when i was six we were taken from my "mom" and put into foster care. my brother and i were seperated. i was placed with one aunt and uncle he another. when i was ten my aunt and uncle adopted me giving me three siblings. i was put back into the foster care system when i was 12. in 2000 i gave birth to my eldest daughter but when she was four i lost her from a car accident. after 5 long days in the hospital and many opinions of doctors and a lot of prayers and tears i had her taken off life support and she passed peacefully on 0ctober 22nd 2004. now to present day. my "sister" had a baby on the 19th. he was what you call a micro premie. he was 1 pound 8 ounces and 12 inches long. he passed yesterday after they made the impossible choice of removing life support. she called me and we have been in contact many times since he was born. i know how hard that choice is to make and it is a very unselfish choice to have to make. this event has triggered me however. the pain in my heart for them is coming with strings of pain in my heart for my little one. i know its not the same because he was a baby and she was 4 but the pain is there. the loss of a child is a pain no one should have to face and it doesnt go away with time you just learn to handle it. knowing how hard that was for her my heart is breaking for her. i feel selfish because im letting it affect me and letting it bring up the pain and memories. however i dont know how to stop feeling and remembering.

is there any chance anyone has any advice on this situation i really could use some and some support at this time

 

[Acy]

I’m so sorry, Bbear82 for all the losses you have had.

I do not think your reaction is selfish...more “understandable and normal” than anything. Of course you feel sad for your sister and her loss, and of course it triggers memories of your own losses. I think that the similarity — having to make that decision — in your case and hers makes you feel empathetic as well as very sad for her loss. And those simply open the door for your own feelings of loss to surface.

I think both you and your sister need gentle care and right now. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Ash600]

It's not being selfish letting such tragic events affect you this way. It's just how it is, moments bringing back memories.

I'm not good at this, but all I can offer is to try and go with the thought that at least those departed are hopefully at peace now and so free from suffering.

 

[Bbear82]

I’m so sorry, Bbear82 for all the losses you have had.

I do not think your reaction is selfish...more “understandable and normal” than anything. Of course you feel sad for your sister and her loss, and of course it triggers memories of your own losses. I think that the similarity — having to make that decision — in your case and hers makes you feel empathetic as well as very sad for her loss. And those simply open the door for your own feelings of loss to surface.

I think both you and your sister need gentle care and right now. Be kind to yourself.

thank you for your point of view on this sensitive matter it means a lot to me to hear that. i do appreciate it very much and can see how the two events coincide

 

[Bbear82]

It's not being selfish letting such tragic events affect you this way. It's just how it is, moments bringing back memories.

I'm not good at this, but all I can offer is to try and go with the thought that at least those departed are hopefully at peace now and so free from suffering.

thank you for that reminder that they are at least at peace ad not suffering and more ant that means alot i dont feel like anyone should have to suffer like that

 

[Ash600]

thank you for that reminder that they are at least at peace ad not suffering and more ant that means alot i dont feel like anyone should have to suffer like that

It's hard to say, let alone at times to accept, but the suffering of one can at time be lost amongst the suffering of all. It can be difficult, but if you can find solace that they can be at rest, then that's a major part of the battle won. They are no longer suffering, and highly likely they wouldn't want anyone else to either.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear of the losses you have encountered. I have no advice but support, absolutely. I agree, no selfishness for your pain and grief in the least.

 

[Atreides]

Sorry for your loss. You're not being selfish for bringing back memories. Everyone grieves differently. A person's life and death means something different to everyone. You'll be in my thoughts.

 

[Bbear82]

@1964dodge

 

[1964dodge]

the passing of your nephew would obviously affect you, especially with him being removed from life support. it is a very hard decision to do, and something a person has to live with for the rest of your life. if it was made with the intention of bringing them peace knowing things can't get better for them, then the person can have a true and good heart for that decision. i had to make that decision for my dad (he didn't go easy ) but after 10 or 11 days i knew i had to do it.

you loved your daughter and would do anything for her and you did, you allowed her to go to gods open and waiting hands so she wouldn't suffer. and i'm sorry that you lost your nephew, i hope he's with the family you lost.

mike...

 

[Bbear82]

Thanks for the understanding words and caring I appreciate it. Your correct it is the hardest choice I had to make but the kindest choice we could make to

 

[Sassy Cat]

All I can say is I am so sorry