Troubled & Lonely

[Ster]

Hum, hello everyone;

I have not prepared for this thread to be honest, I just found this website and figured I really needed some guidance or just a way to vent. (Apologies for not doing a presentation)

I think describing my day to day life is a good starting point :

As a 24 years old I wake up, take around 10 minutes debating on if I should get out of bed, end up doing. Turn on the computer, find a youtube video to watch, smoke weed while watching it, drink alcohol every once in a while.
During the day I have to fight the boredom, and at night I have to fight my inner thoughts, telling me where I fucked up in life and what I could/should be doing right now that I am missing out on and wasting time.
As each day goes on, my self hatred grows stronger, as well as my lack of faith in humanity and beliefs that the sweet release of the eternal dream if the only way.
I live with my brother and father, both unemployed, doing nothing of their days but smoke weed and distract themselves with what I consider to be low value entertainements, just like myself on every points.
I have been depressed for more than 15 years now.
I have no hobbies, no friends, no idea for a long term job, no love interest even though I dream about nothing but that, I have no nothing basically.

No clue what i'm expecting out of this thread, i'm just throwing SOS messages every once in a while to see if I can stop the horrible aftermath of a loss.

Thank you for your time and reading this.
Don't be afraid to give your opinion, I don't bite.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

Hi Ster. Welcome to the site. You are among friends.

24 is definitely still young enough to make a life for yourself, so don't beat yourself up over the past. I wonder if it would be possible to make a small change like going to a depression support group? Or volunteering a few days a week?

Are you taking any medications for depression? If you are, you might want to check with a pharmacist for interactions with weed or alcohol. Also I wonder if you've done any therapy? It really helped me but I did several years and still go once a month.

Do you ever watch motivational or inspirational videos on YouTube? I watch Ryan Holiday who is a modern Stoic philosopher. He's kind of intense but his take on stoicism seems really sound and helps me. I've also been watching a Buddhist monk who is very peaceful to listen to.

Also Therapy in Nutshell is really good. I'm just saying there is positive content on YT so if you're watching anyway you might want to check it out.

Please make yourself at home here and there's a chat that's almost always active too.

 

[Ster]

Hello Lady Wolfshead.

Thank you for your concerns and guidings.

I omitted a lot of details that I can clarify to give you a better idea of my situation.

I never thought of going to a depression support group, this is an idea I will dig further.

I recently got a new anti-depressant treatment requested to my psychiatrist by me. I also know that it is a bad combination with weed & alcohol, but it just helps on the spot and I feel like I desperately need it in the moment.

Up until now i've had a bunch of different psychologists, it's been hectic and i've made some progress, but always end up in this downward spiral. I currently have a shrink but she's coming back from vacation on the 28 so I gotta wait for her support.

It is hard for me to find anything motivating with my current self esteem, I do manage to feel motivated from time to time but it never lasts long. I do not look up to anyone currently.

There's a lot to my story like a lot of people, but I will not flood you with details.

Thank you again for your time, and for your warm welcome.
Your interest in my situation appeases me a little, that and the fact that i'm a little smashed.

 

[iloverachel]

Hello my friend and welcome to this forum

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling with depression for so long
I can definitely relate to boredom, self-hate, lack of friends, hobbies etc.
If you need anyone to talk to you can feel free to PM me here!

Please keep us upated and stay safe. Good luck for youe new anti-depressant treatment

 

[Ster]

I don't have a lot of thoughts in my head today, so i'll just say thank you.
Maybe i'll DM you if I get some more energy soon.
Take care all of you.

 

[KM76710]

I don't have a lot of thoughts in my head today, so i'll just say thank you.
Maybe i'll DM you if I get some more energy soon.
Take care all of you.

Welcome to the site and glad you have found your way here. I hope that you continue to post and get to know the sections of the forum and there are many caring and supportive people to know. Just vent, share and join in knowing you are valued with us.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this Ster.

Getting high or drunk may work in the short term, but in the long term they'll make things worse.

You might want to check out these two links (to pages on SF):

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

at night I have to fight my inner thoughts

You might want to try reading a CBT book. This book gets recommended a lot:

Mind Over Mood, Second Edition: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
Dennis Greenberger, Christine A. Padesky

no idea for a long term job

You might be eligible for help for vocational rehabilitation services.