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Trying to sleep but cant seem to get this off my mind..

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For some reason these things are bothering me tonight.. I guess Ive been nervous living here for a long time.. Its never been my chosing to do so.. Programs plavlced me here a few years ago. I was then homeless for 2yrs and then government programs put us back herr again.. Anyway, A few years ago (before being homeless) I lived in the back of the apartment complex. And when I was living there I had a neighbor who had some mental health problems and was substituting medications with street drugs.. She would often bang the walls all day and night. Call the cops on herself. Yell at things that werent there.. And when she did talk I could barely understand her. One day when I came out to lock up my apartment she physically assulted me.. I cant remember where she stuck me. Or the pain of it.. All I can remember is my first reactions were to block and freeze.. And run away.. But the angle she had attacked me from made that impossible. For some unknown reason she stopped after I had frozen. And I was able to walk away shaking.. Understanding mental illness I decided not to report anything. I didnt want to deal with the cops. I didnt want to deal with all the rest of my triggers. For some reason this stuff is just clouding my mind tonight.. I still cant remember.. Where she hit me.. But Ive been nervous from thus guy recently who tried calling me multiple times yesterday / last night. I tried to help him a couple months ago. He had told me he did leather work. So I offered to pay him to make a new handle for my service dogs harness. Well anyway.. I didnt know he was homeless until after asking and decided.to offee him a place to rest and eat while he worked on it.. I gave him 10 in advance and bus fare so he could get his things and come back to work on the leather. Long story short he spent it all on fost food even though I told him we had food he could eat. When he was back later in the evening he asked for money to get cigarettes. Being that I was only paying him 30 dollars for this work, and him blowing the money I had already gave him I said fine Ill go with you and buy ciggaretts for you. When we came back he was upset that I didnt trust him.. Long story short he left a bike and some things for me to keep because he didnt want to "owe" me anything. He said he no longer felt comfortable here and left. And now I calls 2 months later? He also told me he was possibly going to jail and other stuff. And said I was inconvinencing him. That he needed to move his car or something.. Anyway.. I dont know why things just come up.. I dont trust people. I dont trust him.. And I have been in too many bad situations to not expect them to happen.. Sigh.. :(


Everything Zen
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Homelessness is based on instability, you know? And add some drug use on to that and it's a fire that never stops burning. Sorry you got screwed by this guy. I know you're talking about people more globally than this, however, and I hear you. It's hard to get to know people and then once you do know then it's hard to trust.
I would love to be able to tell you that all people are good, honest and deserve help, but you know that isn't true. It sounds like you tried to offer that man a way to earn a little money and he wasted the chance to help himself. And now he's calling back to say that his problems are even worse? I am sure that man has real problems, but at the end of the day, they are his problems. You don't owe anyone your personal safety.

It does bear keeping in mind though that there are also people who deserve to be helped, and that can be trusted. Many people are not out to screw others over. Take yourself for instance. It sounds like you're the type to be screwed over, not the type to screw others over. If that's true, I wouldn't stop helping people. I would just stop bringing it home with me. Go to a public place to help others - hospitals, soup kitchens, community centers, etc. Don't let a few bad apples stop you from finding and interacting with people who are trustworthy.
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