Trying to understand my mind/condition

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by the_kids_arent_alright, Apr 28, 2013.

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  1. Hi, I recently introduced myself (http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?125299-Hi) and am trying to get my head around the condition(s) I am experiencing.

    As I stated in that threat I have been experiencing depression, anxiety and insomnia, which have all manifested over the months since finishing uni last year. Longer-term I've experienced social anxiety and perhaps the others to an extent. I am due counselling for the depression, which I have spoken to my GP about (and for info I'm not on any meds).

    My main worry is over bouts of anxiety, which started around five or six weeks ago. I'll feel constantly worrisome and uneasy when in a spell, worrying over current problems and potential future problems. The latter isn't really natural or desirable, as I'm worrying about the sort of things that no one can predict or be entirely prepared for in the future. Also, I'll feel quite lonely when in these spells and seek more company of family members (which isn't a bad thing, we should be doing that anyway...).

    After feeling this way for a couple weeks my mind seemed to calm down, returning to a state of stability and feeling less needy. However, when in this state I was less likely to do anything to deal with issues like finding work or pressing through for treatment, as these things weren't in my mind's forefront. But when I'm feeling anxious, things bother me non-stop to the extent I feel almost paralysed. So I seem to be experiencing states where my brain is either thinking too much or not enough.

    Since though, I've been crying quite often when feeling overwhelmed/helpless/very anxious (sometimes brought on by fruitless jobsearches, from overthinking when the anxiety builds up etc) and when I'm in these sort of moods that's when suicidal thoughts come into play. These seem to have become more common over the last week or so. A few hours ago I felt really bad and had a cry, but since I've felt more at ease and calm, feeling more like how I mentioned in the previous paragraph. Perhaps my mind is just 'numb' and resting after venting out my emotions from crying?

    So I find myself in an overall state of instability, fluctuating from periods of bad anxiety to stable-but-not-anxious-enough (sort of). Does this sound familiar to anyone? I've done some reading on the web and I'm finding it difficult matching my feelings up with a condition. Perhaps it's something in the bipolar spectrum, but I don't think the mania or depression is extreme enough. Intermittent anxiety maybe, if that makes any sense? I think the anxiety spells are designed to force me into action, but they end up being overwhelming and disabling.

    Obviously I need a proper diagnosis, but it's nearly a month until I'm due an initial telephone appointment with an HNS counselling service. I really think I need it bringing forward, as my state of mind is bound to fluctuate/worsen in that time. Would I be best ringing them up for something urgent, or maybe getting in touch with my GP? Or try ride out the storm and see if I can wait?

    Thanks for reading, please feel free to ask for any more information.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I would definitely discuss with GP as you can likely can an appointment in very short order with them. If it is having this much effect I see no good point to waiting a month for a trained person to give some input. I am not a fan of self diagnosis as it causes stress if future diagnosis by a professional disagrees (how ever I will research the symptoms as you are doing and try to be informed and understand).

    I would, based on the very limited information, tend less toward major and serious mental issues and more towards you being in a very high stress period of transition that just needs a couple good breaks to be called "the past"....... I am not at all saying not serious or would not benefit from or need help - just that you need to give yourself a little break and accept it is a difficult period that does not need a label to be very real.
     
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