*a man in a suit walks into the cafe, and with a bored expression on his face, takes out a video tape from within his pocket* *he rolls up a TV stand in front of everyone and puts the tape inside the VCR, and turns the TV on* *after a few minutes, a music video begins to play*
*I appear standing in front of a beach shore while its snowing heavily, wearing a headset with a microphone, the wind fiercely blowing into my clothes*
MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY
Emerald Hyperion (feat. Saeed Shabazz)
Ghetto Records
Suicide Forum Studios
*some old school R&B music begins to play as I walk down the beach side*
See, I've been watching you girl, for a very long time
The way you talk, the way you walk, you're sweet like a lime
I've been wanting to hit you up, then take off your clothes and shake you down
Kissing you tenderly and taking you out on a night on the town
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You're so lovely like a candy cane
Why don't you let me lick it like a kid licks a frosty window pane
*scene switches to me talking to some random woman on the street*
I've been stalking you, girl, watching your every move
You say you ain't getting no gifts, and I've got something to prove
I've been sneaking through your window, delivering what you like
Santa-ing and Ho Ho Ho-ing, while singing you this song on the mike (mic)
So I wanna take your hand, so you can ride on my sleigh
Hold you tight, spin you loose, you'll feel like I've made your day
Bells be jingling, back that fine behind up, like a slow grind
Because your lovely body glitters like white snow, the only thing on my mind
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You so cute like a snuggly baby elf
I wanna hang you like a stocking on my shelf
*scene switches to me singing while dancing down a model runway, paparazzi people snapping photos of me*
You see, lady, your holidays don't have to be a drag this year
Why don't you come along with me, and please have no fear
'Cause Santa can't deliver the goods, but I can give you the things that'll be out of sight
The Christmas Spirit will be burning inside me tomorrow, because I won't be using a rubber tonight
The gift of giving is love and care, serenading you with many sweets
After this Christmas Eve, if you'll stay with me, you'll be getting more treats
Why don't you be my snowwoman, we can make a miracle putting up trees
Kiss me under the mistletoe, damn the symptoms, the clinic ain't charging me no fees
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You're so fine like a cheap chardonnay wine
Eggnog and cinnamon aside, you smell so damn sublime
*scene switches to me looking down at the camera while on a brightly lit stage, making several idiotic hand motions while gyrating my hips*
Old Man Winter ain't gotta thing on me girl,
I wanna slurp you up so bad it'll make your little toes curl
Oh you say you're freezing, chilly, and cold?
Let me embrace you and warm you up, while we drink hot cocoa from cups made from gold
See, this season's all about you, baby
I'll be your man and your gift giver until you turn eighty
My love and romance will make you feel like you soared to the skies
By the time we come back down we'll make it back home on time to snack on fig newtons and apple pies
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You're so beautiful, so damned sweet
If I didn't know it any better, you make me drool faster than a trickling cow's teat
*scene switches to me dancing with a random girl while at a nightclub, making eye contact with her*
Come home with me, honey, the yule log is on fire
Sit beside me and you'll see that my love for you is flaming with desire
Reindeer and presents will be neighing and waiting
My hormones are flaring and you got me salivating
Park that behind on my lap and we'll roast some chestnuts
And after you're done playing with another pair of nuts we can fry some steak cuts
I love the touch of your skin like marshmallows, so white and soft
Let me feel them up and make my wintered windows defrost
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You've got the build, you've got the look
Gonorrhea and chlamydia be damned, you've got the things that make me cook
*scene switches to me holding a random girl's hand as we spin in circles under a giant Christmas tree in Times Square*
So what you say, girl, wanna hook up right now
We exchange pearls and rings, we lock lips and you make me say wow
We'll be rubbing and petting, maybe some snuggles and cuddles
Soon we'll be cleaning the hotel sheets having left some sticky puddles
Fly with me, honey, it won't cost you a thing
It'll be the best holiday ever, cheaper than a barbecue chicken wing
Expenses all paid is like your personal little heaven
So just pull the lever at the slots and roll you up a triple seven
*scene switches to a close up of me leaning towards a random girl, my lips inches from hers*
I promise you girl, you'll love me for life
And maybe if you're good to me, I'll ask you to be my wife
We'll charge through the toils and strife
My love for you will cut through your heart like a heated butter knife
Merry Christmas, Baby
Merry Christmas, Baby
You're so cute, like Gadget Hackwrench saying golly
Let's deck the halls of boughs of holly
Merry Christmas, Baby
*I lean in and kiss the girl, as the scene slowly fades out as the title card of the music video appears a second time*
*the videotape stops and the mysterious suited man ejects the tape, puts it back in his jacket pocket* *He takes a bow, and walks out of the cafe without saying a single word*
s*
